Not sure where to start

[holttx3]

I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for years now. I think it all started by being severely bullied in middle school and high school. It took a lot for me to trust anyone as I was bullied by my closest friends at the time. They purposefully left me out of things and made me feel inferior. I think I still do that now but in reverse. I push others out to make myself feel inferior as this is what I am used to. I’m used to feeling in second place. Same with the guy I have been talking to on and off. He dates other girls and has a long term relationship however he still strings me along and I accept it because I am used to feeling inferior.

I recently moved out on my own and all I feel is loneliness. All of my friends are in long term relationships and I never have been and I feel as though something is wrong with me. I tell myself that I’m not worthy of people caring about me and believe this wholeheartedly. My low self esteem topped with my anxiety about everything and everyone is slowly ruining my life and pushing away those who care about me the most.

If anyone can offer some help or advice, I would appreciate it.

[fauxartist]

I'm sorry you feel lonely, it's awful....and if I can suggest...have you had any therapy?...some self esteem building would be a very helpful thing for you right now....good friends don't do the things you said yours did to you. And because we don't want to get hurt again, we tend to isolate which is lonely. Try to reach out and look for more supportive venues for yourself. Music, art, working with others who need help. Anything that helps you express yourself in a positive way. And helping others also gives you a feeling of accomplishment.

[jkl5500]

I agree with fauxartist. For starters, you need to be in therapy to help you work through all the pain you've suffered. That's a must. Please start therapy soon.

Second, a great win-win situation is volunteering with some local group. Try volunteermatch.com and see what you can find. Volunteering is therapy for you, in addition to knowing that you are doing something positive in your community. It's therapy for you because by helping others, you realize that you are a complete human being with so much to offer to the world around you. It's great for your self-esteem.

And you will meet great people there as well. If your "closest friends" bullied you, then they weren't true friends at all. You'll meet good, kind people when you volunteer.

Also, you can check with your local church to see which groups there are looking for new members. Again, you'll meet good people in that setting.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Sillysausage234]

You sound like a good person you need to give yourself some t.l.c. X