So it started around 8/9 month ago, it started with a few nights a week i would go to bed and feel empty, then my mind would start. Telling/ explaining to myself that i will feel nothing when i pass away, everything just ends and you’ll feel cold and absolutely nothing again.
I thought it was a phase and a bad few weeks.
It then started to last longer, happening more often to the point i’d do anything to not want to be in my own bedroom.
3 months ago it started happening during the day. My daily routine is now my worse nightmare. Simple things like washing my hair, eating lunch and putting away clothes i find myself calculating how many times i can on average do this again until i’m not here to do it anymore. I find myself out with friends panicking and worrying that it’s not going to last forever and i start counting the weeks i could have left.
I had one panic attack during this and just thought i was being paranoid over something silly.
I feel as if no one will believe this voice in my head and i’m stupid, is it a phase? Is it just a bad feeling? I’m just stuck, it can’t get out this ‘phase’