A glisp of my story

[Smazzy]

Hi all,

Just joined today and thought I a glisp pf my story. I struggle with learning disabilities and was born languages delayed meaning my speech was delayed and that was especially hard having a twin sister who could be understood and get what she wanted. I suffer with general/ social anxiety, depression ptsd and a mood disorder. I was hospitalized for my first time senior year I was hospitalized twice that year and did a two week program too make sure I was stable to go home I was able to keep it in control for the most part afterwards I got into partying,hanging with the wrong people, substance abuse,risky behavior. this summer things were getting really bad and I hit rock bottom my target behaviors were getting really bad and this past Thanks giving I couldn't do it anymore and attempted suicide this was the second time but this was a serious attempt and I was very close to dying. When i was cleared from the hospital i was admited to an impatient when I was discharged I felt like I was doing a lot better and was doing the partial at the hospital I was just at. I was acting very impulsive and thought I was going to chanhe the world lol I then realized I was just being manic and ended up getting really high and wander around a city being circled around cars and was brought to the er I was then sent to an impatient once again I was livid I was beyond pissed at myself and the world I was so lost and stuck and just wanted to get out of misery I was screaming for help 2 weeks later I was sent in to treatment i have been it it for 6 weeks and I'm discharging on Tuesday and then I should be going to an independent living program. I have made so much progress and I'm doing so much better even tho I have a long way to go i can finally for once say I have hope and I have learned many skills given that the program I was in was DBT based. Sorry for the long post but just thought I share and let you guys know that it won't last forever

Thanks for listening 😊❤

[Agora1]

Thank you Smazzy, for being brave enough to open up to us about your journey with mental health. They say we sometimes have to hit rock bottom before things start turning around. It's been a long hard struggle for you, but I think well worth the experience in getting your life back on track. I wish you well as you take the next step in going forward. You are truly a Warrior. It is important on this forum that we see both the bitter side of life as well as the good in what could happen when we work towards a goal. Please keep us updated on your progress. Good Luck with the independent program. Your future is looking bright because of the help you got but also because of you applying yourself. Thank you again for sharing and letting people know that when things seem hopeless and dismal, these too will pass. Keep strong, keep positive, keep in touch xx

[Smazzy in reply to Agora1]

Hi agora1 Thank you so much for your beautiful encouring comment and taking time to read my post. I am getting discharged from my program tomorrow and still have to figure a few things out about the independent program buy I will be staying with my mom for a few days until then. I am very anxious and have a lot of fears about what a going to happen next but I am feeling hopful at the same time

Xo

[BeenthereB4]

HI Smazzy! I too was born with an uncommon genetic condition called klinefelters syndrome, a sex chromosome disorder that inherently makes me different from practically all my "peers" at a genetic level as my genetic makeup is XXY- ever hear of this one? ;). I had speech delays, language delays, mood swings, learning difficulties, reading difficulties, emotional outbursts (likely because I was not able to express or defend myself verbally) and unable to defend myself physically -was bullied and made to feel less than human by people that were previously my friends- the world can be very cruel....but you get the drift. I too thought of harming myself as a teenager because no one seemed to get me, every day was just HARD and of course we are the ones that have to live with ourselves... and I think we all have a breaking point...Trust me- We want you around now and in the future! I am very proud and impressed for your ability to take ownership of your difficulties-addressing them head on, and asking for help. There are people out there that genuinely want to see you live well and more importantly see you become what you are capable of becoming.

My story does get significantly better and I am now 36 and pursued a career that allows me to treat, advocate for, and improve the lives of people who would otherwise not have a voice. Once I found someone who accepted me for me I found it much easier to see the good in me and no longer sought or needed the approval from others to pursue my interests.

I have worked very hard, read many articles, and sought much advice to gain control of my life and would be happy to share what worked for me If interested -

I am curious of your age and if working - your occupation and your activity level?

As you work through each of your goals- please know that I and others believe in you!

I look forward to hearing more from you!

[Smazzy in reply to BeenthereB4]

Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback and encouragement! It's nice to know I'm not alone. Your post really moved me and inspired me that i have disabilities I can still accomplish a lot. I am 20 years old and I am currently out of school and work due to being in treatment. I often get stuck up on the thought I'm not going anywhere in life and the fear I don't know what i want to do my learning disabilities,mood swings and emotional outburst are still something I struggle with but I'm learning to cope better and get the help I need. I have so many goals and I want to leave a happy healthy life where I can help others just like you do. Once again thanks for the encourage it inspired me ☺

[BeenthereB4 in reply to Smazzy]

Thank you for the positive feedback.

I have switched the word disabilities with different. I am different but it does not disable me. It allows me to see the world differently and as far as acting "normal" - this is something you can learn and when you do - now you have an advantage over the rest of society because they may only see things one way.

I have found high intensity exercise (something you would need to slowly adjust too) to be a very positive outlet for my emotional energy. For me I need to release it somehow so things like boxing (heavy bag) -very effective or rowing on rowing machine also very effective - both things you would need some initial training with to make sure you are doing it right and don't hurt yourself. I'd rather take it out on my body to make me stronger than to do harm. As you get better with things like this it teaches you to focus and prove to yourself that you can endure.

What I am doing now as a career- I had no idea even existed when I was 20. I went to college and graduated because thats what my parents told me I should do. Sorry to make that sound simple- it wasn't.... While I have a degree in something - I'm not sure this is what I will be doing for the rest of my life as life continues to bring new interests to me. I always had self confidence issues- as though I was waiting for permission from other people before I allowed myself to explore areas of interest. Once I gave myself permission to make mistakes and expect that I won't master it the first go around I slowly began to realize that I can be good or even great in just about anything if I am just patient with myself. I.e When we bought a house - I knew nothing about upkeep or fixing problems- now I do all the work on the house myself and know how to fix most anything.

As you may have learned the hardest thing about most new things is just taking that first step. And a good reminder for me is ..if other people can do it than why can't I do it too.

BTW..What career fields interest you?

Hope your feeling ok.

[Smazzy in reply to BeenthereB4]

I really like how you replace disability with different that is a good way to put it. As it is something I still struggle with and sometimes think I'm not capable of things because of my NVLD and my other learning dificullties It is all in my head and how I percieve it and when I accomplish something it is way more satisfaction because I know I had to try harder. Just like you were saying I am often very critical of myself and give up if u can't get something right away. One quote my sophomore English teacher told me was if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree it will live it's whole life thinking it's stupid. That has always resonated with me. I just feel very lost and stuck about my future and often feel like I can't do anything right. But I'm working I trying to chance that and better myself and my mind but is defentily easier said than done. I like how you said you like doing stuff that makes you stronger rather than harm yourself. I very much agree with that and want to work on my fitnwaa more thoroughly and effective. I have been getting into meditating I haven't been doing it as much as I want to and I am still adapting to it and trying to make a routine of it but it is very calming when I do it and helps me get into wise mind.

As careers I'm interested jn psychology, nutrition, journalism interior design but at the same time I'm not really sure what I want to do. I hope you had a great weekend and have a great week ahead of you

Xo

[fauxartist]

what a great story of encouragement for so many here who have felt there was no hope. You are sharing your journey, a horrific one and I'm sorry you had to go through so much pain, but here you are, thank you for your story of hope and letting others know, you too can get better.

[Smazzy in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you 😊