Just a thought/discussion

Hi folks, just wanted to share my perspective on this.

Many people I know say "the majority of the world is made of good people." And sometimes I find that really, really hard to believe. Every day I am surrounded by people who genuinely feel like they're doing the right thing, even If they're causing someone direct pain.

I feel like, yes, the majority of the world try to be good people, but fail.

At the bus stop today going home, a lady told me my eyeliner was assymetrical. She probably thought she was just helping me out by telling me but it made me feel terrible. Knowing that I spent the whole day with my eyeliner all screwed up, even though I spent a long time on it this morning.

That's what got me thinking. She had the right mindset, she wanted to do good. But she ended up making me feel even worse.

And don't actions make up who you are?

Just trying to take people's criticism lighter now. Thoughts on this?

[WemberlyWorry]

I think it all depends on peoples individual morals and ethics...I wouldn't have criticized a stranger to their face unless their fly was down but she probably thought that she was just being helpful. The biggest thing is identifying the depressive thoughts, like when you felt bad after her comment to you, so that you can not believe those thoughts.

[sadBluebell]

Yes - I know what u r saying......I am probably guilty of trying to ‘help’ people too sometimes and just make them feel worse. Also, I should know better cuz I am very very sensitive to criticism and easily get ‘my feelings hurt’.

All I can say is that we have to learn from our mistakes and keep trying .......... if we are trying our best and look for ways to improve our communication to be more positive— then we r headed the right direction and that is worth the effort. Otherwise we will just stop communicating as much and our social skills will be going downhill..........

[quitter333]

It's not your business what other people think of you.

Seriously.

Why are you all so thin-skinned? I am not even too old, just became 30, and I can say "In my time" we didn't care about nonsene like this.

There are billion times better things to do than get upset that a lady says your eyeliner is off. You say - thank you, take a mirror, correct it and go on with your day.

...

And regarding "good" or "bad" those words are illusion. Hitler also was good in his mind, and Staling was also good in his mind. There are simply people who think more globally and less globally. Sometimes experience and ability does not match the global thinking. Person wants to help many, but fails because of lack of skills - great example are modern social justice warrior groups that form nowadays. They make many minorities look like cringy embarassement and weaklings and they speak in the name of these minorities without asking. It's trying to be good, yet having zero skills to actually benefit these people.

...

Also we often consider people who just mind their own business as "bad", because they didn't run to help you etc. In reality you are often better off solving crisis on your own and learning something.

[aaronm in reply to quitter333]

I can't disagree more with this comment. Sorry but I even think it is also offensive. I care to much what people think. Yes. I do but your blasting others for feeling the way they do is not helpful. Btw I'm older than you at 43. I'm not sure what age has to do with anything here.

[quitter333 in reply to aaronm]

Are you referring to first sentence? You are then saying that Psychiatry Dr Tari Muck is wrong.

Are you referring to the rest? Well, I am pretty sure sometimes people need a firm shake and "snap out of it" rather than - "A. let's feel together. aww". I think creating comfort around issues is NOT the right way. Issues should be confronted and either assimilated or liquidated.

If you feel sad or triggered every time your body demands it, it will eventually demand everything.

[Hidden in reply to quitter333]

The whole POINT of this website is to feel together... Your negativity does not belong on my post.

Do not repeat the cycle of bitterness just because no one was there for you.

[quitter333 in reply to Hidden]

If you stroke your depression it will always return.

Too bad you never give it a stern kick. So, please, be my guest, do not acknowledge my advice above. Bye.

[BlueBelle06]

I struggle with criticism too. Maybe her intentions were good or maybe she's just rude or maybe she has impulse control problems? I think she crossed a bit of a line since she didn't know you. I wouldn't expect that comment except from a close friend. However, if you spent so much time on it and you didn't notice it, it was probably fine!

I think the real point is how we accept what people say to us and how we react. This is something I really need to work on so I do not have any good advice here, but I think that's the root of it. If we have a strong sense of self and self-esteem, I think its easier to work through those issues. Depression and anxiety distort our thinking in these situations. I suppose one technique here, is assuming she had good intentions, but you know you worked hard on your eyeliner and it actually looked pretty good so she was wrong. And then try to move on.

There will always be people there to criticize us, we just need to learn how to handle them. Would love to know if you figure it out or if anyone has a good book on this topic.

Thanks for posting! Have a wonderful day!

[Hidden in reply to BlueBelle06]

Thank you... I like your insight, have a nice day

[aaronm]

I care to much what people think but my issue comes when I feel they are making fun of me or talking about me. I do agree that people try to be good but often fail. You can't know what is going on with other people so its best to just keep it to general chat. You can't truly understand unless you've been through it.

[Hidden]

So you say the world is full of people trying to do good, but they fail...doesn't that answer your own question?

They are trying to do good. Your perception of their effort s is what makes it good or bad. If their intention is to do good, to help, then give them credit for trying.

Had the lady said "You look terrible. You should learn to put on makeup" then her intention would have been hurtful and your perception should have reflected that.

All my adult life I have used thus example and it seems to fit here. You see a homeless person who obviously needs help...a meal and you give them some money for that purpose. The homeless person, rather than feed themselves as you intended, uses the money for alcohol or drugs.

Does that mean what you did was wrong. It does not. Your intention was to help regardless of their action.

Remember the old saying " The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

I disagree, the road to heaven is.

I am a man who is guilty of forgetting an anniversary or even a birthday. It happens. Life is very stressful and chaotic. But I ask the same question each time (and I try to give others the same when it is me on the receiving end)...was it intentional? Did I wake up, knowing today was a special day for someone and say "I am doing nothing. I want to hurt you."

People make mistakes People get their feelings hurt.

We are human after all.

Look for the good in others.

[viiexplorer]

I'm imperfect, everyone is imperfect. I try to forgive people and give them the benefit of doubt. This relieves a lot of worrying, thoughts and concerns.

[Hidden]

I just wouldn't give a critisim on someone's cosmetics and make up to a total stranger, it's too personal. It's rude as far as I'm concerned