A broken spirit and feeling hopeless

As I'm only human, I've mad some bad choices in life and I take responsibility for my actions. I found myself in a bad situation by trusting strangers, had to claim bankruptcy and be came involved with a very vengeful and mentally ill man. Since the time of meeting him in 2007, he and others have been stalking, harassing and slandering me. A modern day witch hunt if you will. It has destroyed my life. I could not find work in the small city I lived in and feeling I had no other choice travelled to another city and entered prostitution. I live far away from my hometown and do not trust people, therefore, I keep to myself and lack support from friends and family. Anxiety, stress and depression are a common theme in my life these days. I have abused alcohol a lot. It's been a vicious cycle. A mild from of PTSD my doctor states. I've got to be a strong person to have made it this far but my spirit is broken and I feel hopeless a lot of the time.

[Scott1951]

I'm glad you have found your way to this forum. It sounds like you are suffering a lot. I have made my share of bad (maladaptive) choices, too. Depression, anxiety and addiction have distorted my view of reality and tricked me into doing things that were not really in my best interest. I hope you are not putting yourself into excessive danger. I'm assuming there are risks involved in sex work and that abuse of alcohol makes it even more dangerous. No one deserves a life of danger. Please take care of yourself. It's great you are talking to your doctor? Are there others you can reach out to?

[Lostjoy]

Oh man, you’ve really been going through some tough stuff.

I can see why you have developed anxiety and depression.

I don’t know where your from, but hopefully the town you are in has some resources to help you get on your feet, and keep you protected.

I think I may be on the verge of bankruptcy also. It’s very scary.

Please be safe, and keep coming here for support. It’s good that you are opening up and talking about your issues.

Wishing good things your way.

[lhortiz]

Hey you!

So glad to see you on the forum.

I know the feeling of brokenness and hopelessness all to well. Though my situation is different than yours, I found myself having to climb a proverbial mountain to get my life back.

It took me a long time to reverse the numerous thought processes that were contributing to my pain but I knew my thinking was off and I needed to find a different way to see things. That has really been the hardest part for me because the thoughts would automatically produce the yucky emotions that I hated so much and yes, I wanted to just give up.

I actually started asking God to help me give up the old way I was living my life. Everyday I kept asking and asking and then I noticed new thoughts coming into my mind that gave me relief from the pain and started to bring peace. There was a time that I was battling between both thoughts until I reached a point that I knew I was going to make it out of the hole I was in.

I guess the big realization was knowing that my old life and ways of doing things was never going to get me where I wanted to be even though I did experience some comfort in those old ways. I had to start looking at the bigger picture. You know, where would I be in 5 years if I kept this up and realizing that the hopelessness and brokenness would go away if I could just stop doing the same things that kept me in misery.

I pray you find hope and comfort my friend. I found that calling out to God and allowing myself to be totally loved by him took away much of my need for people to rescue me from my pain and I could actually rest in that intimacy with him. No one on this earth could have given me that except God.

Blessings!

[cb934586]

Hi, I totally messed up my life too, but I was lucky enough that my bad choices did not follow me. My family saved me from myself and I rely on the government for my income as my doctor agreed that I am disabled. I don't know if you live in the US but here if you are disabled by mental illness you can get on Social Security Disability which is better than prostitution. Do you have family to help you? I hope you will reach out to people to lift you out of your circumstances.