Alone and unfulfilled

[capcpa]

When I was 22, I was at a very low point in my life. I was obese, had failed out of college by never attending class, and was alternating between being unemployed and working terrible jobs like being a dishwasher.

I'm still unsure of where I got the strength but I turned everything around. I lost 100 lbs through proper diet and exercise and have kept it off for the most part ever since then. I was able to get a much better job and got back into college, where I learned from my past mistake and excelled. I just completed my master's degree in August and have passed the CPA exam.

Despite these achievements, I am feeling like I have hit rock bottom once again. I accepted a job directly after grad school and was fired after 4 months. I am still looking for another job despite having what I consider to be great qualifications. I have very few friends, none of which live within 300 miles. My dating life is nonexistent. The closest thing I've had to a girlfriend was a 1 month fling over 2 years ago. It was the greatest feeling I've ever had but I feel like it was a sick joke to give me that taste of true happiness only to yank it away.

My motivation is dwindling rapidly. When I set those goals 6 years ago, I thought they would change my life. I thought getting fit would help me finally be considered dateable. While it helped marginally, I have still never had a relationship and haven't had sex in over a year. I thought getting my master's degree would finally give me a fruitful and rewarding career. All it did was give me hope and yank it away.

I'm starting to worry about how much more I can handle. Luckily, I have enough money saved to go backpacking through Europe for a couple months. I'm excited but know that it is just a temporary escape and I will be forced to confront my situation when I return.

How can I possibly stay motivated knowing that I have accomplished so many tough goals only for it to lead right back to rock bottom? It seems like any goal I have that involves someone else giving me a chance fails. No friends, no career, no dating life. What is the point of living without these things? How can I possibly muster up the strength to fight on knowing that my hard work will continue to lead nowhere?

[Stilltrying_]

Hi you have done really well in overcoming these obstacles and getting yourself on the road to health and to success. Give yourself a pat on the back for this!!

So you were fired from your job after 4 months. This can happen. Can you look at it more logically and analyse the reasons why you were fired? Was it something you were doing wrong and something you can rectify or was it something about them? If it's something you did wrong then now is a chance to work on that thing about you. Maybe engage in some therapy if you haven't already done so.

So you haven't had a girlfriend barely in the past two years and no sex for a year. It's unlikely this has to do with your looks as you say you've got yourself into shape. Could it be shyness on your part or being too easily defeated when asking a girl out, or not even attempting to ask a girl out? You need to look at the reasons why you may not have a girlfriend and change your actions so that you can move towards the situation which you want. Do you go to any activity groups? Maybe there is someone you like. Start with asking questions about their life and genuinely want to get to know them and maybe suggest a group coffee or if you feel it is right a one to one coffee. Set yourself up as an approachable and friendly person. This is what most girls value; someone they can talk to and is caring.

You are right that going backpacking is only a temporary escape. it's ok to do but please don't do it just to run away, as as you say your problems will only be there to greet you when you return. Instead maybe think about how you can change your life in a more permanent way by like i say changing your behaviour.

It sounds like you're at a low ebb at the moment. Plenty of exercise, good food and early nights can restore your energy and sometimes in life we have to confront rejection and obstacles time and time again before we get where we want. The key is RESILIENCE. ie if you do get a knockback, get up and try again and again and again but don't try the same thing if it didn't work last time, that's like flogging a dead horse as they say here in the UK. Try a different approach and learn from your mistakes. Most "successful" people do not just get everything they want straightaway or never make any mistakes in life. The key to their success is that they don't see failure as permanent. A failure just means they need to try something different next time until they find the things that work for them and they keep on going.

Wishing you all the best. GEmmalouise. XXX

[capcpa in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thanks for reaching out. I'm a very introspective person and always blame myself when something goes wrong. So using the job as an example, my brain is 99% sure that I didn't deserve to get fired. They hired someone with 13 years of experience and no longer had room for my salary. But emotionally, I still feel like I'm at fault if that makes any sense. I beat myself up when these things happen. As far as dating goes, I really only use dating apps. I don't currently have any friends or hobbies or social groups. I moved to a new city for that job and it isn't a demographic fit for me.

I honestly think I know what to do and what not to do as far as getting what I want out of life. I just struggle to get the motivation to do it. It's so difficult to work so hard and accomplish challenging goals only to see your friends and peers happier without having to put in the same effort. It's exhausting to think about keeping up that effort, especially if it will continue to disappoint me. Last time I went to Europe I felt very rejuvenated so hopefully that effect will occur this time too

[Vonnah]

Wow i am so sorry to hear that. Are you seeing a therapist? You have accomplished more than the average person! Thats great! I think you should just take a break and focus on your mental health and where you are in life. Take time to do things you enjoy. Party, a hobby or try new things. It will help you find new people. Maybe go to a bar or something. Just take time to breathe and relax. It's never good to be a workaholic.

[capcpa in reply to Vonnah]

Thanks for responding. I am not seeing a therapist. I lost my insurance when I lost the job. Taking some time to get my head in the right place is my goal with the Europe trip. Hopefully it motivates me rather than making me even more miserable when it's over and I have nothing more to look forward to.

[Vonnah in reply to capcpa]

Yeah your welcome! Hope I'm not overstepping but maybe this is also a career burnout and you need time to put yourself back up. Listen to your body and definitely recommend a therapist. They can help you figure out your thoughts and feelings about your goals and where you wanna be in life. Talk to your primary doctor as well. Have fun on your trip it is well deserved for you!!!!!!

[capcpa in reply to Vonnah]

Thank you. I see it as more of a life burn out lol. Hopefully some time away will set my head straight.

[Vonnah in reply to capcpa]

I hope you get well soon😊 don't ever give up!