Feeling lost

[Amy987]

My heart is pounding, and it will not stop! I've already taken my anxiety medication, and it's not working. I want to go to sleep, but I'm just going to lie awake. My mom is a narcissist. She has always made me feel guilt, and now she is doing this to my daughter. My daughter is hurt, I feel it's my fault. I told my mom, and she sent me a horrible text, and now we are not speaking. She is dating a man she let move in with her after only 6 months. I think he is doing drugs, and possibly dealing. I refuse to let my daughter be around that. I'm so hurt that again my mother has hurt me, and I let her once again.

[Traveler1]

Hi Amy987, I hope your are feeling better since 2 hrs ago, I know a lot of times there’s no medicine that can help or words, but Im very sorry your upset and understand how you feel, being hurt by our own parent is probably one of the most painful things. My Dad would make me feel guilty or would tell me what I need to do, I think because he couldn’t control his own life his guilt came out on me. But your first thing is think of your beautiful daughter! She’s #1, cause your her mommy and her strength, and she’s yours too if you think about it I’ll bet you smile! 😊

[Amy987 in reply to Traveler1]

Thank you, you are right, my daughter makes me smile. My dad passed away from cancer in 2010. My parents were divorced, but my mom still controlled him. It was really bad, and that's when my anxiety peaked, and hasn't improved since then. My father was abused by my sister, and mom. My sister stole his pain meds, and didn't feed him, and my mother got his whole check. I tried everything I could do to help him. I told the doctors, but my dad lied to them because of fear. I visited him daily, and took him food. The one time I confronted my mother, she slammed the door in my face, and said I was no longer welcome in her home. She turns everything around, to make her look like a picture perfect mother. It's so hard... Thank you for replying to me. I hope you are okay...

[Traveler1 in reply to Amy987]

Hi Amy987, I’m doing okay, just having hard time getting things done and Its crunch time. I’m so sorry for your experience with your dad and the abuse you’ve experienced and witnessed, I know about having a sibling abusing and taking advantage of my dad and Mom, my dad is still alive and took over raising my brother when we were young, my parents are divorced as well, but my dad just created a monster of my brother, my brother is back in jail again and it’s almost killed my dad going through everything for many years, he raises my nephew who is a teenager now. But I’ve heard stories like yours where people take others checks and meds and it makes me so angry, I think there’s a special place in hell I think for people who abuse others especially kids or elderly & sick. But my dad and I have struggled with our relationship and I don’t see or talk to him much, I think maybe a lot of my feelings I have of being lonely or not wanted or purposeful or the need to prove myself, come from the experiences and lack there of my Dad, don’t get me wrong my mom is the best and has always been there for me and I have a good stepdad, but having a parent that hurts you and is alcoholic and cares but doesn’t show it, or puts one kid above the other is hard and I just wonder how much that messes us up, or causes these problematic feelings we have. Ya know?