Trying to be independent and not reliant on someone that isn't helping very much.

[Kitty487]

Not going to get into full details, but my boyfriend is far away. Totaled my car a few weeks ago so can't drive to see him. He's supposed to come up this week but who knows. Anyway, I need more Independence. He doesn't talk sometimes and I just need more support than what he is giving. I love him to death, maybe that's my problem. I can't quit it though. Need more distractions. What do I do? How do I love myself and not let things get to me? I cry, and I over think. It's a horrible thing and I can't stop thinking about it. I need an out. A way to feel myself without relying on others. Need to get some ideas. Please help!!

[schrodingercat]

Perfectly up-front with you: I don't know the answer to this question, and I grapple with it often myself. Someone will likely come along with some helpful advice, though, and in the meantime, I just wanted to ask you to stay strong and keep fighting for yourself and those you love. Even if what you're going through now feels like it will last an eternity, things will eventually change. Do consider therapy if it's an option for you and you think it might help! Therapists can often provide excellent advice for handling relationships and oneself in a way that's healthy and beneficial to everyone involved. ^^

[Kitty487 in reply to schrodingercat]

I see a psychiatrist but I don't see her again for a few weeks and my counselor I see today. I go weekly so maybe it'll help. I'm trying to focus on me, but it's hard because talking to people really does help but I know I can't rely on others to make me happy even though that's what I've been doing. It does seem like it's gonna be like this forever because I've been trying to move forward with my life but keep getting pushed back by things. I can't get control and it's scary.

[schrodingercat in reply to Kitty487]

I know, I'm scared by it too. Sometimes it can help to focus on little things you can control absolutely: your movements, what you eat, what you wear each day. Reminding yourself of things that are within your control, however small they might seem, can be oddly reassuring.

Stay strong! ^^

[Kitty487 in reply to schrodingercat]

That's very true! Thank you. I guess it does give you a sense of being in control to a point. I never thought about it like that before

[old-soul]

Kitty, in my experience it can be unfair to the people that love you and who you love the most to put all your eggs in that one basket. First of all, it can be very hard on someone to be our o e and only hope. In the interest of making you smile a little, imagine the first Star Wars quote, "Help me Obi Wan Kanobi! Your my ONLY HOPE!"

Secondly, the people closest to you are also the ones most likely to have strong emotions if their own when they hear what a hard time you are having and don't know HOW to help you. Being heard in and of itself is sometimes all we really need to work through the feelings so that we can get a few things done we were not able to do while feeling so isolated and overwhelmed, but sometimes someone not so close will be less effected emotionally if you can talk with them.

In other words, maybe, JUST MAYBE by being here and talking with other people here that really DO understand, you have already found everything you need to further your care and start making even more steady forward progress.

What do you think? I know I definately hear you loud and clear, and relate on every level to everything you said. I also think you are doing great at doing the things you need to do to get well. Surely that is exactly the support we need from one another around here, right?

If you agree, than BINGO, you take to credit for having shown up here and for having asked for the support you need, because you earned that.

I hope you have a wonderful day.

[Kitty487]

I know everyone can't fix my problems. And I guess I'm just not getting the support from people I feel I need it the most from. It's disappointing and upsetting. I went to counseling last week and she thinks I'm making progress. Maybe the meds are finally starting to help. I'm not sure, all I know is I'm ok one minute and the next my mind is racing. Almost like an adrenaline rush. I think the meds are helping my depression, but not my anxiety. And anxiety can really be a pain when you're battling a thousand things.. then I questioned myself after she said I seemed to be doing better. At first I was like wow I didn't realize it. Then I started thinking maybe I wasn't doing better, I'm just holding things in more. Who knows...

[old-soul]

Well, you haven't given up, as evidenced by the fact that you're still here - still talking about your feelings and your concerns - still looking for solutions. Some days that is the mightyest effort for me, and suspect it can be for you too, so please make sure you are giving yourself recognition for that.

[Kitty487 in reply to old-soul]

I'm trying to. I'm trying to make sure I keep going forward. And as I do, it does feel rewarding. Even after a day of work, it feels like an accomplishment because I got through it.

[old-soul]

A list of things you are grateful for can help a TON, and does not take long either. If I suggested you wrote a list of 50 things you are grateful for right now, you'd probably be like, "Yeah, right. You're joking, right?"

Well, I DO suggest you write an actual list, not just in your head, but ON PAPER, and numbered. Nuamber 1 on my most recent list of 50 was actually coffee, because it was morning, and mornings that I am out of coffee are NOT GOOD, not only for me either.

I do mine on a single index card front and back. Coffee. My motorcycle. The roof over me head. Having heat. Having hot and cold running water/shower/toilet/sink, being able to say "no" and be nice about it, but mean "NO, NOT NEGOTIABLE, NO" ect.

If you have a toothbrush that is reasonably new and functional, you might be grateful of that, considering the alternative.

You already said you were grateful you got through your work day, right? That's an awesome start!

[Kitty487]

That is a really good idea. I am definitely that person that makes lists. Like, a lot of lists. And not just on my phone either. I like to have a pen and notebook and just write things down. It gives me comfort. Call it my OCD, but it's been something I've been doing for a while. Also, I agree with you! I am a coffee addict. It's literally my favorite drink ever lol. I can drink it any time. It also gives me comfort. If I'm out during the day, I get comfort from going home and making some coffee or even running to Dunkin to get coffee. It's a pure comfort thing and I cling to everything that gives me comfort

[old-soul]

Well, that written gratitude list is also portable, so you can keep it with you as a reminder when the poo hits the rotational air no cement machine too.

Another thing about actually writing the actual list is, you can also look back over it and discover what your real personal values actually are. It's a great exercise, but it takes actual action to get actual benifit.