New and trying to be proactive

[Ashleigh429]

I just found/joined as I am currently feeling myself slip back to a place I don’t want to be and trying to overcome it. I have suffered from depression and anxiety since a teenager, managing it mostly by myself through not the best ways (eating disorders, substance abuse, etc.). It’s not bad all the time but definitely worsens when my body image and relationship status are poor. I recently ended a relationship that caused a lot of stress and anxiety, he has moved out but we are still trying to be friends. I have a lot of anger towards him bc of the way he treated me at times which totally wrecked my self esteem and ability to trust him so that is proving to be really hard to work through. I tend to get a bit agoraphobic when I feel like crap about myself and struggle to interact with people, even just a hello from a stranger at the grocery store. I feel quite tired all the time and am over eating which is making me gain weight and break out causing more depression and social anxiety. I know what I need to do and I plan on it but some days I can’t overcome the voices in my head that say I can’t do it, that I will never be good enough, that I don’t deserve happiness. The ones that like to count out my failures to me and make me feel like this will never get better, that I will never be ok.

I’m not really sure what I am expecting from this but I don’t feel like I have a place to go with all this, I just feel like I have to once again pick myself up with whatever little energy I have and figure it out. I’m so tired of just getting through the day and hoping tomorrow will be better.