where do i go from here

[nkelly694]

hi i am new here and i have a loved one that suffers from agoraphbia, panis attacks, and depression they have suffered with this condition since 2002 and instead of things getting better they have progressively gotten worse and now they are at a point that something has to give i have tried everything to try to get help for my loved one but it has done no good i just dont know what to do anymore i wonder if i am doing the right things, have i failed in some way because at this point i feel like our relationship isnt worth him getting help for this condition and i feel like its my fault because i have enabled him for 15 years so what do i do now??? Just feeling really lost

[Agora1]

When things get so bad for our loved ones, the best thing we can do is to have a family meeting with his doctor and find out if in-patient or day treatment might be advisable. That is saying that medication and therapy have been tried. It's nice that he has your support. Being an enabler is one thing but turning your back on him would be detrimental to his issues.

[nkelly694 in reply to Agora1]

i would never turn my back on him we have been married for 19 years and for 16 of those years he has had this condition he doesnt have a doctor he had one when he first got hurt but for the last 10 plus years he hasnt left our home he wants to get help but the whole fear of leaving has him stuck so thats why i am reaching out

[Agora1 in reply to nkelly694]

In the 5 years I was agoraphobic, I searched and searched until I found a therapist who would do home visits. They are out there, far and few between. A therapist is needed to help guide your husband and yourself in going forward no matter how many years this has been. Therapy for you alone would be beneficial in knowing what to do to further support your husband in getting out of his safety zone and proceeding forward with life.

The fact that he wants to get help is a big first step. I'm glad that you are reaching out to the forum. Having support from others who have gone or are going through the same issue can help you in not feeling so alone right now.

Depending where you live, you might be able to call your hospital for info on finding the right psychologist/social worker who would be willing to make several house calls. That is step #1. It may get a little more difficult in getting out that front door as time goes by but nothing is ever impossible if the patient believes the time is right. xx

[nkelly694]

thank you so much i am so desperate right now he has missed out on so much during this time the birth of our 1st grandchild, his brothers funeral are just some major ones he can go out of our home but he refuses to get in a vehicle to go get the help he so desperately wants and needs our 2nd grandchild is due anyday and he is gonna miss that as well my son paid for us to go on a vacation to the beach i havent been anywhere since our honeymoon 19 years ago we got into an argument i decided to go our other son stayed home with him so he wasnt alone but it was a total nightmare i tried to enjoy myself and not let my 12 year old daughter and 3 year old granddaughter know the situation so they would have a good time he tends to make up alot of illnesses and i know this is due to his condition well he really did it up good when i left the short version i had to come home 2 days early and another time i had to leave over night because my grandfather passed he did the same thing i just really want and need him to get help not for me for himself