I am a 23 year old woman who has major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I have been dealing with depressive since the age of 12 and anxiety my whole life. I am currently a graduate student studying general psychology. I find it ironic that I am studying the area I have the most trouble in. There is humor in that last sentence. I know I studied psychology in my undergrad to make sense of my disorders and know exactly where they came from. I still don't know. I am so depressed right now and have been the entire time I have been in school for about the last two years I don't feel I have really learned or absorbed any information. I have just gone through the motions.
This year alone I have gained over 30 pounds because I simply don't have the energy to care. Food brings me comfort and when I feel sad or anxious I eat. It is definitely not continuous but when I do eat I make poor choices. This makes me disappointed in myself because last year I lost over 30 pounds and loved the way I looked and felt. I have grown because if this would have occurred a couple years ago I would have been hysterical, but at this point I am just acknowledging I am overweight and unhealthy.
I don't usually leave the house unless its for school, grocery shopping, or to spend time with my family. I have a boyfriend who I am happy with and i am thankful for him. Except, he has no experience with mental illness and has no idea how to even deal with someone just being a little sad. Hence why I am here. I have no friends. I am not a social person because of passed experiences with friends who have turned out to be bad friends. I feel alone in my disorders. I feel like a failure. If I had any real skills I would go to school one class at a time and get a job, but I have a fear of failure and I cannot emotional keep it together to even leave my house. I need help. I just want someone to help me.