Social chaos

[Aorli]

I have been dealing with pretty intense anxiety when it comes to being somewhere where I feel like I have to be. Such as meetings, work, restaurants, any social gathering, stores. It wasn't always like this and I went to counseling for a while until she felt i was doing good enough on my own. I would like to get back to enjoying life instead of fearing it. I don't want to take medication and would like some insight on how to cope and get past it.

[vanessi]

Well for me it is the same, but I get that feeling when it is very early in the morning. Fortunately I am starting working at noon so I don't feel very down sometimes. At the moment I don't know how to deal with that a try to feel better. I'm sorry for not being helpful but at least you know there are other people with the same problems send you best wishes

[Aorli in reply to vanessi]

It's always good to know I'm not the only one I'm a stay at home mom now so at least I don't have to deal with working because I always had to leave because I'd have panic attacks.

[old-soul]

I can't really say for sure what will or won't work for you, but I can tell you things I have found helpful, tell you what works for me sometimes does not work for others, and that doesn't mean you're "not doing it right" or something either.

It seems we all have to find the pieces that fit our own particular puzzle, and set aside the pieces that don't seem to fit without judging the puzzle piece. (What the HECK, it's just a stupid puzzle-piece anyhow, so why would we need to judge it anyhow?) Besides, We may find, as time goes along and we fit more and more pieces, we later find a spot where the piece we set aside earlier now has a spot where it's just RIGHT. If we'd decided that piece was "stupid" or whatever and threw it away instead of just setting it aside, well, then we lost the option of using it later, right?

Some of my anxiety could not be helped. I was abused as a child, as well as having had some very poor health care and surgeries forced on me that were *NOT* a good idea, and I KNEW it, but who listens to a little kid, right?

But, some of my anxieties have been increased by the fact that I felt I had to make some sort of a peace with really negative and not very good-hearted people. I can still pray for those people, but I do NOT have to subject myself to them. I can send them on their way while being just as nice ad they will allow me to be. I am not always successful in recognizing the need to separate myself from certain people, but I AM learning through my mistakes as well as my successes.

Let's face it, there will always be selfish, self-centered people willing to take and take and take without giving, or only giving when it's absolutely necessary to get what they want. At least, that's my experience. My experience has also been sometimes I need to say, "Ahhh . . . I spy selfish and self-centeted. Well, selfish and self-centered, allow me to introduce you to Mr. Door. Mr. Door leads to a place called, 'somewhere far far away from me.' Let your journey from me begin NOW."

Believe me, I have had a hard time learning THAT particular lesson, but sooner or later, I do get the point.

Saying really awful things to myself when I make a mistake or something. Man, that has GOT to go. I have a lifetime achievement award in putting myself down, as most of us do, but for those of us struggling with anxiety, depression, or other things that make It hard to have good self-worth, this kind of negative self-talk is serious poison.

You have a young kid. Ask yourself, do you want your kid to grow up with the same examples most everyone does about how it's ok to insult yourself when you make a mistake? I know I don't!

How about this too - if I talked to my friends the same way I talk to myself when I get frustrated and jammed up, just How long do you think they would want to remain my friends?

Anyhow, maybe if nothing else you deserve to give yourself credit for signing up here and giving THIS a whirl. I know I've given myself credit for doing it.

Peace

[Aorli in reply to old-soul]

Thanks for that. I just have a hard time dealing with the symptoms ( sweaty palms dizziness and nausea) when I'm out.

[old-soul in reply to Aorli]

Hopefully you can stay in the habit of getting out from time to time in spite of it. Sometimes when I go long periods NOT getting out much in social settings, it makes it even harder to do so.

You seem like a nice person, and I hope you get really good suggestions and are able to overcome or at least lessen your symptoms and do just as you said you'd like to do - "get back to enjoying life instead of fearing it." That is what compelled me to respond to your thread. I feel tbe same way.

[Aorli in reply to old-soul]

I think that'll help too. And I was I counseling and she recommended I take baby steps instead of jumping right in. Having kind of an escape if I do get those symptoms deep breathing that sort of stuff. I just don't want my symptoms to interfere with my life so much. I want to be able to enjoy going out especially for my little girl.

[old-soul]

I really like that suggestion, especially the part about having some sort of escape if it gets too hard. Are you going to have to bill me at the same rate as your therapist now? :/ Do you offer a sliding scale or a payment plan?

Seriously, though, she's right. I think I will benefit from this too. I also think that having an "escape" that is real easy and natural is a good idea. You know - something that doesn't make me feel awkward as a result.

[Agora1 in reply to old-soul]

Hi old-soul, I use an escape/respite every day to keep myself in balance. It doesn't have to be a physical vacation but a mental one can do wonders. Aorli is so right.

[old-soul in reply to Agora1]

I'm really glad you joined in the conversation! If I am in a setting where I am familiar with many if not most of the people, or more to the point, it is a really decent group of spiritually-minded and socially responsible folks, then yeah, what you are talking about is a first line of defense is I start getting uncomfortable.

I also had the benkfit of studying Tar Kwon Do as well as Yoga on a more spiritual level than is so popular today, many years ago and have learned several meditation and self-hypnosis techniques that can be very beneficial, WHEN I actually allow myself to take the time to make regular use if them. I am not always really good about that though, in fact . . . :/ I could perhaps do well to start getting into that practice a little more regularly now to be perfectly honest.

[Agora1 in reply to old-soul]

Years ago I studied Tai Chi which was a beneficial mind calming method. Since then I have found Meditation, Deep Breathing, Visualization & Affirmations can go a long way when used several times a day.

Upon awakening I turn to all of them preparing me for a good day. Mid afternoon I use self hypnosis and/or meditation once again just for 10 minutes. Before falling asleep at night, I use meditation and deep breathing assuring me of a restful night's sleep.

Deep Breathing properly is with me always through driving, shopping, watching tv, doctor's appointments etc. No one know that you are using it as a relaxing method, it is always with you and the benefits are high. You cannot be anxious if you are deep breathing. It calms both the body and the mind. Going back to using your methods regularly can help you. My best to you xx

[Aorli in reply to Agora1]

Thank you I believe that will help me a lot

[old-soul in reply to Aorli]

Oh yeah, you can count on it. Form follows function for sure. When I do this there are some visualations I use too, which I won't get into here in your thread, but I will tell you that when I do this, I focus on the breaths and try to keep them very smooth and even through the entire inhale through the nose and exhale through the lips.

Another thing that I focus on is not making it so much longer like in our on out, but more "circular" so to speak, which is to say I try to make the transition from the breath moving inward to it moving outward as smooth and gentle a transition as I possibly can.

The last part is when I exhale, I push as much air out of my lungs as I can. Thus you would have to practice when you do NOT feel anxious, because in the beginning when you are learning to do the full technique, it can feel a little panicky to have your lungs so empty. It also takes a little practice not to gulp your next breath when you do this.

It's pretty cool though, once you learn it. To me it feels lime the muscular tension gets blown out of my body further and further with every breath.

[Aorli in reply to old-soul]

Right definitely going to be practicing this daily to help me. I think with all of these techniques I can get back to just enjoying life

[Aorli]

Haha no cost love helping yeah I have gotten the take a break either step outside for fresh air or cold water in the bathroom to regroup if it gets to be too much. It always seems that way for me i always feel like I need to rush through the outing so I can feel more calm. I can never just enjoy it.

[old-soul]

This is awesome conversation here. Yeah, some times I actually need to LEAVE leave. That's why I typically feel MUCH more comfortablenif I drive my kwn vehicle to things. I wouldn't want to spoil someone else's good time if I just can't settle in and relax, and therefore need to leave early.

[Aorli in reply to old-soul]

That's exactly how I feel I always feel like I need to be in control of the situation. And come and go as I please and sit where I want.

[old-soul]

There are a couple people I don't mind traveling with because they really "get it" and even can tell when I'm starting to feel a little panicky. They will even ask if I need to get going, which actually helps me STAY because I have support near-by that does get it, but aside from that, yeah, I too feel better when I have all of my options available to me.

[Aorli]

Yeah I have some people who know him have anxiety but I try my hardest to stay.

[old-soul]

My father is a very abusive narcissist, and knew how to really torture and torment me without anyone else realizing what he was doing. He was also good at getting other people to join in, making me feel like the guest of honor at a piñata party.

As a result, I am sometimes targeted by narcissistic personalities because when the spot someone that has been subjected to the type of abuse I have, they find it entertaining to screw with them. So, yeah, an actual physical out is very important in keeping myself safe.

[Aorli]

That's really scary I was really smothered growing up and never went to anything social so I think that's what's hard now that I'm an adult with my own child