Anxiety and Depression Support
23,070 members21,296 posts

How much more

Everyday is the same..I try to keep helping myself to feel better, I hear people's advise, i see a psychologist, I talk to God, but I don't seem to be able to find happiness anywhere..I search deep in me to find some answers but I can't find any..Its been a year now..im starting to feel tired of all this but I'm not throwing the towel..Im 42 and scared ill be like this the rest of my life..I don't know what else to try..everything I do seems wrong and I can't see anything right..My guilt from the past eats at me every step..I just don't know what I want..I have no purpose and really can't see the point if living..No matter what I do this feeling is just lingering around my neck..wherever I go its there..What is it?..why can't I solve it?..What is there to do?..please anyone, please share some light..Thank you

9 Replies
oldestnewest

We are very close in age. The main thing that jumped out was that your guilt from the past eats at you. Obviously I don’t know what happened in your past but I do know that it is over. It’s past and you can’t go back, you can’t change it. As you know God is all about forgiveness. No matter what happened God can forgive you if you ask him and repent. We can’t change our past but we can learn from it. The hardest part is always forgiving ourselves but if God can do it so can you. You can’t change the past and the future isn’t promised. One of the hardest things I’ve had to do is learn to live in the present. That doesn’t mean I don’t have memories. I am also a dreamer. That drives me! You have to ask yourself though can I change it? If no it’s important to move on. Stay strong. I know you can do it! Everything you do is not wrong. If it’s what you want to do it’s not wrong. No matter what other people think. You do you and be proud of who you are. Be proud that the mistake you made is gone and that you can move forward in a different way in the future.

2 likes
Reply

Thank you..you are right..Im fighting to leave my past behind but Its hard..I thought I was alright but look where it got me now..afraid to do anything incase Im wrong again..I have lost all direction and don't know how to move forward from this..I don't see or can't find my purpose in life..im stuck.. wasting my time being sad and unproductive feeling useless and hopeless..I know I'm 42 but feel as if my life has been wasted..I have hope that something good will come out of this and I become a someone..I hate this self pity, my own worst enemy..

Reply

Believe me I completely understand. I’ve done a lot of things in my past. Becoming a Christian saved me. Literally. I have a past. I’ve been through a lot. 2 really bad marriages. A wreck due to inexperience driving that killed my child. I also lost the life I knew. I went from breaking records in sports to being told I may never walk. I was very healthy and good prior. Afterwards I started feeling sorry for myself and partying, doing drugs etc. Forgiving myself has been hard. I still don’t know if I have totally let go but I think things have lost some of their power. You just truly have to focus on the present. In a perfect world, money is no object, location, culture, nothing... what would you like to do with your life? What was your dream as a child? Where is your dream life located? I wanted to be a teacher but then changed to nursing after my accident. Big dreams huh!? I’ve never moved more than 2 hours from home. I do think I’m a dreamer to some extent. My small little cottage with a pink couch. Like I said, I dream big! I want you to dream big though. As big as you can. What would that be? Then from there you can break it down to short term, long term etc. The first step is always the hardest. If you are happy with what you’re doing I don’t think you can make the wrong decisions however I do understand. I’m at a major crossroads in my life and scared I’ll make the wrong choice and burn all bridges. So right now I’m getting my ducks in a row. I think your parents are loving and supportive so I doubt you could burn that bridge. Obviously I don’t know but from what you’ve told me. So there is no harm trying. I’m always here to talk though. I do understand. That’s why I changed my pic to Faith over Fear. I need that. I think you might benefit from some as well. It’s hard though isn’t it? I’m certainly working on it though. I believe that was sent to me as a personal message when I found that quote. I hope it can help you too.

1 like
Reply

Im sorry to hear your story..im sorry that you are going through this aswell.. its awful..i don't want anyone to feel like this..Yes I have faith and hope..I haven't thrown the towel yet..I don't know whats hovering around me..its this heaviness which is debilitating..I search deep in me to find answers everyday..Its been a year now and I still have no answers..I spent a year doing nothing..No work, income, nothing..I regret it and am shameful..nothing to be proud of..I must admit I speak to God everyday..I asked for signs and God answered..now I'm packing up to go overseas..but I have no energy..but this is God's call and I must do it..I don't know why Im scared doing it when I asked for signs and received them...I don't want to be floating and regret this move aswell cause I really think there's something wrong with me and it will follow me wherever I go..I feel bad..Im not man enough and I cry alot..Thanks for listening...

Reply

I feel a lot like you are describing also. I’m 11years older than you. I’ve been suffering for 1 year now also. I was watching a program tonight that I had never seen before. It just came on a random channel when I was channel surfing. I don’t even know why I stopped it there. Anyway it was a pastor and a dr who treats depression. At this point I am willing to listen and try anything. They mentioned that Elija, Sol, and Solomon all suffered with depression which is written in the Bible. And that the chapter of Ecclesiastes is about depression. I wrote it down so I can remember to read it. haven’t read it yet, but I just thought I’d share in case you might be interested.

I’m searching for answers and a way out of this also. I refuse to believe that I am going to have to spend the rest of my life this way.

Reply

Hi did you get a chance to read Ecclesiastes..would like to know what you think..

Reply

If you were told to do this you will be covered. Is this a permanent move? I know when I get out I feel better. Occasionally I get anxious in big stores with lots of people but I just keep moving. I hope you will find what you are looking for. One year in the grand scheme of things is not that bad. You’ve got this! Try to keep in touch. ❤️

Reply

Thank you..Im sorry your going through what you are..I wouldn't wish this on anyone..I will read Ecclesiastes after this post..see it as you were meant to pass on this message to me..we are all helping each other and passing on messages..I would do anything to get out of this .. anything..Just as long there's light at the end of the tunnel i don't mind and I believe there is..I just can't do this to myself anymore though..Its been to long..

Reply

I wish to share light with you but am in a place myself. I can relate to you I am 41 feeling guilt and wondering if this is forever. Anxiety/panic out of control and feeling on edge. I feel wrong and all I do seems wrong. I think it helps to grab onto any light any hope any love and have that lift you some. Then there are the times recalled that life was worth it so then you know even if it’s one moment, that it can be. Best to you.

1 like
Reply

You may also like...