Anxiety and Depression Support
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Saying no to my best friend is making me terribly anxious

I need some help. If you read Mt previous post you would see that I'm in a bit of a predicament. In short, I'm homeless and my job hardly pays enough for transport back to work. I have to depend on an old woman who doesn't want me in her home to feed me. It's very distressing. In light of this, my best friend has offered me a place in her home. The problem is that She lives with her boyfriend and her 7month old. I... Can't really explain how exactly I feel about this. First off babies and kids are NOT for me. I like them, but in small quantities. I could never live with one. Secondly, her boyfriend admitted to her that he had a crush on me first, which I was totally oblivious of, and got close to her to get close to me. And she brings that up in front of me all the time. Thirdly, I don't feel comfortable living with a man I'm not involved with or related to. I don't want to stay alone with him because its awkward. And the him liking me thing makes it even worse. Also, I dont want to be a bother. I know she invited me and all but I don't want to cost them money. They have their baby to spend on. Also she wants me to babysit. I flatout refuse to do that. I didn't tell her to have a baby. I don't want to deal with one. I can't possibly tell her that! To make matters worse they live totally different than I do. I need to have my own space and like to be alone all day if I don't work. When I visit her she sticks to me all day and I can't tell her to back off or I'll hurt her feelings. They lead pretty unhealthy lives and every time I visit I get an ear or upper respiratory tract infection. They also go to bed very late and I sleep very early. There is only one bathroom here and it's in their bedroom. I find that even more uncomfortable. I'm sure I could go on all night about reasons I don't want to stay. But the only good thing is that I might be able to find a good job and move in 6months to a yr or so. What should I do? I feel like an ungrateful swine. I feel like I dont deserve her kindness. I feel like I'm being forced into an uncomfortable situation. I feel like we will come to hate each other when we live together. I already started to resent her and I only visit for 2 days at a time. She always wants me to stay longer. I always decline. Why won't she get it? This is keeping me up at night. I have an interview near her place tomorrow and I'm having serious doubts. Please help.

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If you are uncomfortable about it then just say no. I know it would help but at what cost? Have you tried applying for social services help or housing? I would definitely keep applying for better jobs. I’m not sure if you are in the US or not. I know in the US we have homeless shelters where you are fed and get your own room. They also help provide transportation. If you’re concerned you’ll hurt her feelings tell her you just don’t want to mess up your friendship or be a burden. Maybe you could find a room to rent close to your work. Someone you work with may have a room for rent. I would definitely try to get some assistance. A lot of jobs will also pay for you to go back to school while you’re working there. It’s hard to offer much not knowing the area you live and all. I wish I could help more. I know this has to be hard on you.

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Thanks for replying. I live in Jamaica. We don't have a lot of free housing. Shelters are for severely mentally challenged. They are a den of disease and predators. The govmnt won't help me because I'm of sound mind and able body. I'm on my own really. I have told her no in 3 occasions and she was visibly upset and called me ungrateful. And as my situation deteriorates she keeps offering. I feel like maybe she feels obligated to help because I helped her get on her feet back in the day. But.. She went and got pregnant when i need her and now I absolutely refuse to have her waste her resources on me. I feel like I'd feel better if she abandoned me like everyone else in my life. Then I'd have no expectations and could do what I want and need without apology. Sigh

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The only person you owe in life is yourself. You have to do what’s best for you and your life. I’m sure you are grateful for the offer. Be honest. Tell her you would be uncomfortable with the situation including her precious child that makes you nervous. That it’s you not her. I obviously know nothing about where you live. I wish I could offer you more guidance but I can offer you my support and care for what it’s worth. I’m sorry you are going through a difficult time right now. Weigh the pros and cons compared to your goals and where you want to be in your life. Just keep working toward your goals and hopefully you will find your way.

Difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations. Sending you lots of good energy!

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