I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!

[Alaskamom68]

I have been suffering from Anxiety and panic attacked for 12 years now. I feel as if after being so strong for so long ( surviving abuse and an extremely stressful life) I just broke one day and ever since it just keeps getting worse! I am drowning and what my life back! I feel like it is killing me. In 2013 our family tent camped through Alaska and it is the best that I have felt in years. It took us 3 years to move to Alaska buying a home that the seller and selling agent lied about many things which it continues to make it extremely stressful. Plus the addition of my elderly mother to our household our dream has become a nightmare! I feel trapped financially due to many set backs and mandatory repairs for survival ( We like off the grid). Health problems.. Plus I feel trapped as my mother is an anchor holding me back from living a true Alaskan lifestyle. I know that it is nature that calms my body and spirit. I am plagued by insomnia and stressful thinking. I feel like I am letting my husband and children down. This past year has been my roughest yet ! I want my life back. I want to enjoy life and share the me before this all started with my children. I have no support system and feel like a burden

[_Dreamy_]

You are not a burden, let me repeat: you are not a burden. I have felt like that before and you really aren’t. My advise would be to try to talk about what you are feeling with your husband (and maybe children, it depends on their age). Talking really helps, and then they will also understand how you feel and they can help you

[Alaskamom68 in reply to _Dreamy_]

I feel like I have talked until I am blue in the face My 14 and 21 year old children have Asperger's ( High functioning form of Autism) They are very intelligent, it's more that they have social deficits and live in their own would. My son is a computer genius and my daughter is totally absorbed in pop culture. My husband is a sweet man but not doing the things that I tell him straight out that would help me because he is overwhelmed himself but all of this. It feels like we have zero alone time, speak different languages LOL and I think that started when my mom moved in. She has completely changed our family and I feel stuck. I am thinking about getting some legal advice about our options of sending her to live some place else. We all moved to Alaska together. Our house sold first and we sunk a huge amount of money into fixing her home to sell. One agency informed me that if this has been less than five years ago and she gets any housing or in home care that they could take our home as I did not save all the receipts for the painting, all new carpet, hiring people to haul off trash ( she was a hoarder) OH and the whole new roof do to mold and the list goes on. And she becomes more difficult to live with, with each passing year. I swear the stress is going to kill me and at 76 she is going to well out live me.