Turning

[Starrlight]

Something is coming up. I can feel it. Some change very soon. I am on edge. It may throw me over of help me step back and rest. My perspective on life is a mess, choppy waves tough to swim in, i cant stop am too restless, but angels are above watching over me. I saw it in a dream years ago. Watched myself struggling. Now today things are even worse. Spiraling out of control deep in my mind, neverending fears.

Well there should be a change. I need for things to get better because I am so done. The intrusive thoughts, the sensations....

I need to be free.

[tashalyn]

Are you currently seeing a therapist or on any sort of medication?

[Starrlight in reply to tashalyn]

Yes and yes. I dont think either is helping. I am tempted to go off meds to see what is underneath and start over but scared to as well thinking it might be worse.

[tashalyn in reply to Starrlight]

I honestly don’t know what to say, don’t go off medication without referring to your doctor first

[Starrlight]

Thats ok. Thanks for replying. No I wont go off without my doc knowing. I just wish for understanding when i feel there is something so wrong with me and I wish it were easier to control the thoughts. I have quite the imagination and mix it with anxiety and the thoughts are disturbibg but trying to focus on light happy things, filtering out the unwanted. I am tired of seeing things in life as sinister or dangerous. I want to see and trust in the good all around. Some days are brighter and I can see but not typically. Im trying my best.

[Starrlight in reply to Starrlight]

And # 1 reason to fight are my beautiful children and husband...i wish i was more for them which is why i fight and keep trying to move forward.