Community help :'(

[Survivor1687]

It's taken me a VERY LONG TIME to work up the courage to reach out for help after feeling like my voice has been silenced. After feeling ganged up on, singled out, betrayed by those closest to me 😢 ya know, I keep getting my hopes up thinking I've found a place or two where I have a voice, where I feel l have the support that I desperately need right now. Seems everywhere I go I have people following me around trying to take away or destroy the tools I HAVE SOUGHT OUT IN DESPERATION. The mental health system right now is in crisis!! It has been for a long time and it has progressively gotten worse over the past two years due to the pandemic. If there is going to be ANY kind of GOOD change in this messed up 'system' the voices here who are advocating against stigma, who are capable of making a difference really need to come together right now to make a positive change. I am scared. I am hurting right now and getting very discouraged trying not to 'lose heart.'

💜😢

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I feel the same way about the medical system as well. I remember when I was young doctors were my heroes. I thought they were very smart and so insightful. But now that I'm in my 30s it just seems like doctors especially those that are in Medicare and Medicaid are the C&D students and they do the bare minimum. They're just going by the book. Here's this medication take it. If it makes you feel like crap whatever as long as the levels in your blood work look good you're fine. I told my doctor's PA that I don't feel good on my thyroid medication that it gives me severe anxiety and depression. He told me he understood but given the levels in my blood work he said they're great. And he felt that there was no need to make any changes.

The mental health system can also be that way. Especially with Medicare and Medicaid. I remember my favorite therapist and she was being pressured by Medicare to come up with a report that I was getting better or they were going to stop paying her because I wasn't getting better with my anxiety. How weird is that? I'm working on my anxiety and the depression that comes from not being able to do things because you're afraid of everything. Which of course takes time. It would be nice to get over anxiety in a day. I mean I would absolutely love that. If I could take a pill right now that would cure my anxiety I will happily be first in line for that new drug. But yeah they were pressuring her to come over the report that I was improving or I was going to get booted off. Which means I would have to find another therapist. Luckily for me I was showing signs of improvement. So I was able to keep her as my therapist. Unfortunately she developed a cognitive disorder. And she retired abruptly and moved in with her son in Utah. I think she passed away. I've known her for well over 10 years. And I miss her. My new therapist she's nice. I first I wasn't sure if she was the right fit for me because she didn't laugh at my jokes but first impressions and meetings are always awkward. And yes it's so hard to find someone that fits you. And especially when you really need them to fit you because you're hurting you're emotionally drained and there is kind of a rush job on it. And then this bureaucratic nonsense was insurance doesn't help matters. In my state they cut 211 million dollars from mental health. So yeah they really don't care about mental health until you do something like the mass shooting. They don't mind if you kill yourself. Which is terribly sad. I would love to be at a center or a retreat like celebrities go to for their mental health. I feel I need that. Unfortunately I am poor and I don't have any money to do that so. I'm stuck with my therapist that I meet every week through video. And I see my psychiatrist every 2 months for a refill on my clozapram.

[Hidden in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

forgive me- please- just sharing.....one thought....is to find an EFT program.....the programs thta use horses to help disblled people...and volunteer - or find a safe barn and ask someone if there is an old horse no one has time for and go groom or brush....and brush and brush ...ud be surprised how releving it is to love on these old horses that get forgotten......ive been with horses for 55 eyars and i found an old cripple that people dont have time for and he and i are going to go bond and eat grass together and brush his head he cant scratdh and

u pour uheart into these guys and they will never judte or reject i wswear....best anti antixity pill on the planet is loving on an old dog or horse or cat....they never eve reject u...u feel sooo safe and omg the therapy for the soul is just unreal.....its like the gbest therapist imaginaogle and u just lvoe on hem and love on them and gets more and deper evey day...they just stand there eaitng their hay and never with they laugh or share aht u say or think or judge about anhyting.....its unreal ...

[Survivor1687 in reply to Hidden]

I need pet therapy badly 🥲 I don't know where I can go to do that. I can't have a pet where I am .

[Survivor1687 in reply to Hidden]

I would love to wake up every day and do that. It would make me very happy to do that. 🥲👍🌹

[Hidden in reply to Survivor1687]

pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeese know ....eferyone here feeeeeeeeeels for u soooo bad....nooooooo one judges......ive used a stuffed anmimal from good will as a start when sooo alone...we get ** it...or ask the librairains to help find some animal tat needs u.....

so easy for me to say i get it....not trying to sound....like its easy but just passintg it along.......god.........what a pet.....can doo as u know.........safe journey

u have hundreds of therapists here all waiting to comfort u as the can relate ti u find new therapist

eferhone feels for u trust me on that.......sometimes i put a giant smily face on my wall or mirror.....whagteve works

evehone ere supportive of whatever****** works........they are will thu all the wa y

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Hidden]

I know about those programs unfortunately for me it's how to get there to these places. So for pet therapy I rely on my dog.

I would love to do that. I love animals. I feel most of my anxiety can be taken away if they would just lowered my thyroid medication. But they won't despite telling them I'm suffering from side effects. They ignore it.

But I have my dog and a stuffed animal for some comfort. ❤️ But your advice is appreciated.

[Survivor1687 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

I feel your pain. I truly understand and can relate with almost everything you've said. And you're 💯 spot on with the health care system as a whole. Not just the mental health care system, its healthcare in general. And I can relate to that also I don't just have PTSD I have hospital & Dr. induced PTSD as a result. But try getting a Dr to sign off on that diagnosis. Haha. See what I mean? Could tell you several first hand experiences of the way people who have disabilities or illness who are unable to work and afford private insurance or other insurance are treated.... it's sad. It's very sad the world we live in. Change only seems to happen after something major or catastrophic happens or when a certain number of deaths reach a number that satisfies... tragically, It will never be enough. How can people possibly not be depressed about that? Is it time for meds yet? See what I'm saying. 😔

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Survivor1687]

Yeah it's definitely hard. Especially when you're going on your own. It can be done but yes it is extremely difficult. Even though we have these issues. We do have sunny days. We have to remember that. It's not always dark in cloudy. And we're still here. Despite everything that's been thrown at us, we are still here. That has to mean something. I'm not giving up and I hope you're not giving up. Will keep the fire and keep on fighting. May we both heal from our ordeals ❤️

[Lve2dance in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

So true about how expensive... Some places just regular are so much.

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Lve2dance]

And here in the states most hospitals have a psych ward but it's really a horrible place. You just have these rubber beds with no sheets because they don't want you committing suicide. Patience that are really disturbed with their own mental illness. Just shuffling around some of them provide you with the hospital gowns / scrubs. Others you have to bring in your own clothes. And you just take meds and maybe you meet with the therapist. But it's loud and it's scary. They really don't help you. They just get you medicated enough where you're not afraid of this place and then okay you're fine and they let you back out into the world. I never want to go to those places. I rather just suffer at home. Cuz my sister JG had to go to one of those and yeah it's awful. There really isn't a state psychiatric hospital I don't think or maybe it is but it's in a different city. Which is tragic cuz they used to be in every city but thanks to budget cuts and mental health they're not anymore. If you got the money you can find yourself a private one. And of course the private one is always the better one. They make the most money so the ergo it's your dime and your time. So they will look after you and talk with you because you're spending x amount of dollars. And they want to make sure you get your money's worth. But I'm going to keep trying. I write in my journal which helps me out. The talks with my therapist help me. And it's nice that I can email her when I have questions or thoughts. And I have this place of course which helps out a lot when I feel lonely. A lot of times I don't want to bother my mother and my fiance because I can see it they're already overwhelmed with their own problems. My mother is elderly has two daughters that are bipolar and now her youngest daughter me has regressed back into anxiety and depression. She has osteoarthritis, is overweight, diabetes and has ruptured discs in her back. So she's in constant pain. And now she has to deal with me. And my fiance works 6 days a week and sometimes he doesn't have the energy just to show me affection. In fact it's a learning curve for him. Sometimes I wonder if he's on the spectrum of autism. But I will never know cuz he's never been tested. He struggles because most of his lives he took care of himself his family never really looked after him It stopped when he was around 8. So he has no idea how to be comforting. But I do appreciate that he is trying to change and learn. Some people just don't do that. But I know I can be a pain in the ass and I can be stressful. So this place is great for me to vent and express how I feel. When I feel like I'm not being heard. Or maybe misunderstood because nobody knows what it's like to have anxiety and depression only people who have dealt with anxiety and depression can understand.

[Lve2dance in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

In low risk areas Have rough sheets and non existing pillows.. Odd showers.. Fake shampoo... Floors look clean but apparently not.. This was for people who need a little help, maybe medication.. Other wings had different risk levels.. Some people violent.. Point is its not high end or special.. But for what they charge its like the Ritz.

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Lve2dance]

Oh where my sister stayed at It was there was no other wing. They were pretty much like packed in together. Cuz again my state cut a lot of money out of mental health. I only know of two hospitals that really kind of deal with mental health. The one that my sister stayed at is really poor. It is a very poor hospital. I don't know about the other one they might get a little bit more money so they might have separate wings. But yeah it is ridiculous the amount that really hospitals charge to be in with for any thing. My mother was treated for a broken ankle and I think she racked up about 200k in medical bills and then when she had her car accident that was another 500k and this last visit when she fell down I think that pushed her about a million dollars in medical debt. Luckily she has insurance that took care of the bulk of it but still she has to pay the remainder. Which is still ridiculous.

[Lve2dance in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Facts.. Most people have money but not rolling in it.. Our system is flawed in how much they charge..especially mental health.. So many people can't get everything they need.

[Lve2dance]

You are in the right place here 💋.. We all love you and are here for you.. Xoxo