Hi, my name is Garreth. I’m 21 years old. I have been suffering from anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts for almost six years. Many people are unaware of my mental health because I try to plan everything out so nothing goes wrong and it gives the impression that I’m organized and doing well. Because I have my future planned, people don’t believe that I struggle... recently I had a mental breakdown and have been slowly recovering from it day by day. Today I feel suicidal. Tomorrow I have to go to school. I feel like I’m constantly being pulled two different ways: one way where I am suicidal and give up on life, and the other where I’m successful and do well in school.
I would love to meet some people who are open and willing to talk with me, tell me things, and listen... and I’ll do the same for you.
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Garben
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Hello. I have the exact same struggle. My biggest struggle is panic/ anxiety but i also struggle with suidal thoughts. I do exactly what you do as well. I always have a plan so everyone thinks that everything is okay because I still go to work& school & I perform well in school. But it is exhausting to constantly have your shit together. I had my biggest mental breakdown when my parents were driving me to the airport to come home after Thanksgiving break. I didn't end up flying home that day. I'm glad that you are working to recover from your big breakdown. I know its tough, but its possible. I'm sorry you are having a tough day. Feel free to message any time. I feel the exact same pull that you do: wanting to get up and get rid of all of the pain or keep working my ass off and trying to feel good for the academic success I have.
You sound like a very intelligent person and you recognize how you're feeling. I'm a perfectionist in a certain degree too. I feel that I have to have control in order for me to function. I don't like to show my weaknesses or share them as well. It's a terrible feeling. But when you're having such strong thoughts of suicide, I hope you get the help you need. I think you really should see a professional because having thoughts of suicide is very serious and you're young with a whole life in front of you. Please take my advice. I'm just a little older, or maybe a lot older :), and trust me, life can get better with the right help. Good luck to you.
Hiya, so sorry to hear about the difficulties you are facing at present. You write that, 'I’m constantly being pulled two different ways: one way where I am suicidal and give up on life, and the other where I’m successful and do well in school.' Please don't think there are only these 2 choices. There are lots of other scenarios, where the focus is more on seeking personal contentment. 'Success' is a very vague concept an means different things, to different people. Is it about material wealth, about a career, about personal relationships, or something else? When I was your age, I had no idea about what route I should take. I wish someone had said to me then, 'Be kind and gentle to all people, but especially yourself, and, most of all, seek happiness above all else.'
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