Introduction

[Garben]

Hi, my name is Garreth. I’m 21 years old. I have been suffering from anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts for almost six years. Many people are unaware of my mental health because I try to plan everything out so nothing goes wrong and it gives the impression that I’m organized and doing well. Because I have my future planned, people don’t believe that I struggle... recently I had a mental breakdown and have been slowly recovering from it day by day. Today I feel suicidal. Tomorrow I have to go to school. I feel like I’m constantly being pulled two different ways: one way where I am suicidal and give up on life, and the other where I’m successful and do well in school.

I would love to meet some people who are open and willing to talk with me, tell me things, and listen... and I’ll do the same for you.

[Brinks9]

Hello. I have the exact same struggle. My biggest struggle is panic/ anxiety but i also struggle with suidal thoughts. I do exactly what you do as well. I always have a plan so everyone thinks that everything is okay because I still go to work& school & I perform well in school. But it is exhausting to constantly have your shit together. I had my biggest mental breakdown when my parents were driving me to the airport to come home after Thanksgiving break. I didn't end up flying home that day. I'm glad that you are working to recover from your big breakdown. I know its tough, but its possible. I'm sorry you are having a tough day. Feel free to message any time. I feel the exact same pull that you do: wanting to get up and get rid of all of the pain or keep working my ass off and trying to feel good for the academic success I have.

[Garben in reply to Brinks9]

I’m glad other people understand! Not glad that you are also dealing with this though. Glad you’re doing well.

[mom2girls]

You sound like a very intelligent person and you recognize how you're feeling. I'm a perfectionist in a certain degree too. I feel that I have to have control in order for me to function. I don't like to show my weaknesses or share them as well. It's a terrible feeling. But when you're having such strong thoughts of suicide, I hope you get the help you need. I think you really should see a professional because having thoughts of suicide is very serious and you're young with a whole life in front of you. Please take my advice. I'm just a little older, or maybe a lot older :), and trust me, life can get better with the right help. Good luck to you.

[Hidden]

Hiya, so sorry to hear about the difficulties you are facing at present. You write that, 'I’m constantly being pulled two different ways: one way where I am suicidal and give up on life, and the other where I’m successful and do well in school.' Please don't think there are only these 2 choices. There are lots of other scenarios, where the focus is more on seeking personal contentment. 'Success' is a very vague concept an means different things, to different people. Is it about material wealth, about a career, about personal relationships, or something else? When I was your age, I had no idea about what route I should take. I wish someone had said to me then, 'Be kind and gentle to all people, but especially yourself, and, most of all, seek happiness above all else.'