I can’t even

[Not_your_victim]

I am really struggling with a lot of mental health problems related to PTSD from a domestic violence situation and then another abusive relationship after that. I also have a history of childhood abuse.

I used to hold a full time, professional job in a career that I worked very hard for. Currently, I’m not working because of how extreme my symptoms are. In addition, I struggle to meet the “requirements” for care because I don’t have children or a comorbid substance abuse condition.

I am lost. I am worried that I’m still struggling after two years and I’m afraid I won’t get better from where I am- worried that my recovery has plateaued.

I’ve tried so many different ways to get better (groups, meds, individual therapy, intensive programs, etc). I feel so alone.

[gerg]

Never give up. Change takes time and it will be worth it. Everything that is happening in your life is going to help you in the future. Believe it or not you are learning important things with your struggle. If everything was just Ok in your life you would not have read this important stuff and you would never be anything more than just Ok. My struggles have made me an amazing person....

[Not_your_victim in reply to gerg]

Thank you. I need reminders like that. I know it but it gets lost in the background noise and distorted thoughts. And then me telling myself to change my thoughts.

Change takes time. Yes.

Thank you!

[hypercat54]

When you say groups do you mean group counselling? Have you done individual counselling? This is the way to move forward but it isn't a short term solution, it took many years for you to feel like this so it will take time to help sort it. There are many different types of counselling so keep going until you find one which helps you. x

[Not_your_victim in reply to hypercat54]

Yes, group therapy. I have participated in a lot of different groups, I just feel stuck. CBT, DBT, I’ve done EMDR, and an intensive group program. I have also participated in a group specifically for women who have experienced domestic violence.

I actually am seeing an amazing individual therapist, it took me about a year and a half and 5 therapists to get a good one.

I am trained as a psychologist and I think that’s where I keep putting a lot of pressure on myself to do it “right.” And why I become frustrated with myself that I’m “not better yet.”

[xobrandy211xo]

❤

[Not_your_victim in reply to xobrandy211xo]

Sometimes, that is all you need. Just 💕

[old-soul]

I too have suffered a lifetime of abuse, much of it at the hands of a parent that, to all appearances shows all of the markers of a narcissistic personality. Scapegoating, gas-lighting, the works. On top of that I suffered 3 failed surgeries at the ages of 3 and 4 years of age that a.) I still remember to this day, b.) Have caused huge shame-based issues, and c.) Led to my being scapegoated and brutally beaten by my entire student body through the first two years of my primary schooling. That is just a small portion of my "qualificafions."

I only say these things because I hope it lets you know that I have a real point of reference where abuse is concerned. What can I do about it? Well, yeah, that's what I hope to learn more about here. I have been, "working on myself" for 45 years. I just want to do just about ANYTHING else some times. I'm not always the problem, am I? No, but . . .

I'm totally new here. I WANT to be positive. I would LIKE to talk about solutions I HAVE actually found, but also to find supportive people too, because in reality, without decent people, real friends, positive validation and actual human contact, what's the point of life?

"Stuff," is okay, particularly if it's "NICE stuff," but come on - that doesn't replace frienships.

I understand your plight. I'm not a degreed professional anything, but I have a crazy-high IQ and have always have had an insatable thirst for knowledge. Heck, among my skill-set is even knowledge of how to write in American Psychiatric Association (APA) format.

"If only I could do everything perfectly, then maybe people would not dis-like me." That may be the crux of my problem.

I feel like I'm just rambling on and on. If so, I appologize. Maybe, just maybe there is something here you can identify with that gives you some validation though, or some hope, or maybe just helps you to feel less alone in your walk. I don't want to suffer, and don't wish suffering on anyone else either.

I like the idea of holding one another up rather that tearing one another down as a means to success, but it seems we all live in a world where distrust of one another is becoming more and more the order of the day, and day by day there are more and more people on this planet. That's not personal to any of us. We're ALL experiencing this on one level or another, because it is the facts.

Good luck, and God bless us ALL.