I didn't find it difficult to reach out for help. The only thing I found difficult was trying to remind my mother to make a doctor and a therapist appointment, without annoying her too much.
Honestly when I talked to my therapist I kinda just wanted her to prescribe some drugs and hopefully they'd just make my problems go away. (I know thats naive, but it would just have been easier.) She doesn't prescribe things so I had to go to the doctor and I got put on Zoloft.
On New year's I had a slight break down and a few days later I decided to use the crisis hotline messaging service thing and the lady I was talking to said that "I was brave for reaching out" but it didn't feel brave or anything. I just want my problems to just go away and I had no one to talk to at the time so I thought it could be beneficial to try something else.
I just saw a comment on someone's post that "It must have been hard to get on this site and reach out".
I am NOT trying to say anyone that has difficulty reaching out and talking weak. I know that everybody is different and that's ok. But I just feel like if its difficult for everyone else, is something wrong with me? I didn't feel brave or anything when I asked for help. I ask for help a lot. I'm a lazy person, and I hate myself for that. If I wasn't so lazy maybe I co fix my own problems, but I always try to get other people's help and advice and I usually just end up throwing it back in their faces because I've tried it once and it didn't work or I'm almost 100% sure it won't work.
The amount of self loathing I can hold in my relatively small body is astounding.
Having a hard few days 😢
Hard to care Hard to try 
Making friends is hard
Hard time connecting/relating to people.
Every 13th of December is a hard day
