Long Time, No Write

[TAPNewEngland]

I was very active on this site commenting and giving advice to those in need. I suffer from Anxiety and Panic Attacks (15 years) and kept them at bay for quite awhile now and trying to live my life the best that I can. I never had luck with friends and my # of friends shrunk to two with the passing of one on Sunday as she suffered from cancer. I was doing a good job of keeping my emotions in check and tomorrow is the wake and my chest is pounding. I think I am starting to have trouble keeping it together and I am usually pretty strong. My family can't believe that I haven't been more emotional. I know death is a natural party of life but she was only 41 years old. Not fair and was a good person who was very good at what she did for a living. I have her last text as a reminder of how she was suffering the last couple of months and have a few photos of her that I got off the Internet. Just wanted to get this off my chest as I don't really have anyone to share this with. I keep my issues private and only a select few know of them. I was going to tell her about them and now the time has passed.

We must live life to the fullest everyday. I am trying to tell myself that.

[deborah27]

I hope it is helpful in some way to share with us. really glad that you have. keep in touch and if you need to 'talk' after the wake, we are here for you.

[TAPNewEngland in reply to deborah27]

Thanks Deborah. Made it through the funeral ok. Was actually going to tell her about my condition when she was diagnosed with cancer so it became a mute point.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

I am so sorry for your loss! It’s only natural that you would be upset. Im here if you need to talk. I lost my uncle Larry Saturday. I hadn’t seen my cousins in a few years. It was bittersweet. I’m glad I got to see my cousins but not this way. I agree it’s important to tell your family how much you love them and reach out because tomorrow is never promised.

Do you have a counselor you can talk to about things? It much more private than talking to friends and good to get a second hand opinion on things. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have lost all my friends since getting depressed and suffering from anxiety. I know how hard that can be. I hope you can find someone to talk to. We all grieve in different ways so let it happen however works for you! I’m so sorry for your loss!

[TAPNewEngland in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

I am sorry to hear about your uncle as death is never easy. Made it through the funeral yesterday and I think I'm starting to put her memory to rest. My therapist actually knew her so we had a nice conversation the other day. Other than that, I don't have anyone to talk to. This is a good resource for us.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to TAPNewEngland]

I love it here. I did look up how to make friends in middle age on the internet last night. I want a reason to leave my house. I want to do fun things with someone. I’m always alone sitting here in my own misery.

I’m glad your therapist knew your friend and could help you with your grieving and that you got through the funeral. I’ve actually skipped funerals that aren’t directly in my life. I just have had too many that are. I surprised myself how well I did. I think deep down we can pull through when we need to most. Fight or flight.

Hopefully things will start looking up.