Okay. First of all I live outside 1st world countries. There is a stigma here that mental health issues such as depression simply doesn't exist, and who ever claims to be depressed is doing it for attention. Its seen as shameful. So. I'm having a very terrible time. So much so that when I'm not contemplating suicide, I'm disassociating. I cope with my woes by distracting myself. If I get to thinking about my life I'll seize up and go unresponsive. What really broke the horses back is my recent break up. And now i find myself making a date with death much more often. I've been very foolish and threw every thing I had into my relationship. I've burnt bridges with disapproving family and cut off disapproving friends. I moved to the city to be nearer to him. I gave up school so i could move in with him. I denied jobs that would limit our time together. I changed my whom life around him. I gave him all of me. Recently he told me that he will be pursuing a bachelors and cannot focus on me and school, and there is no compromise. I can't go into every little detail about it because that would be a very very long post. Basically, he left me twice, for his own gain. I'm now homeless and alone, with no support system, and cannot even afford to eat. I'm quite introverted as well. So right now I'm running on auto pilot. I find myself Hoping to meet in an accident and die. I've been like this for many years. I shove it down as far as it will go, and something happens and it all bubbles over. I dont know what to do to silence my demons. Please help.
Sorry for the rant.