Having to start over

[Lifeishard]

My wife left me and I am having to learn how to dtart over again. She was the first person outside my family that ever showed me what love was. Now I feel so lost without her. It's so so hard, my depression is getting bad and I am now developing anxiety. I just don't want to be sad anymore.

[Janieliza]

I hear you. 26 years with my ex husband and it stings doesn't it? The only man I've ever dated and then married...worshipped the ground he walked on. Then one day...we were strangers. Yes we had children but had grown apart...he had affairs, I was depressed and I couldn't and still don't blame him. Please please let me tell you that it will get better. The pain hurts...i know it does and nothing anyone says will take that emptiness away. What I do want you to do tho is know YOUR worth and even tho this hurts now and the darkness appears, it's going to be a temporary darkness. Take some deep breaths, deep deep breaths...do me a favour pls..write these feelings down. You will then look back and will see the journey taken to recover from this. I did. There is no time limit to recover from this. None. It can take weeks/months or even years but I can hand on heart say it will get better. We got you....you aren't ever alone. Take care. Janie.

[DragonTears]

Hey there,

I can only agree with everything Janie is saying. The emptiness can feel like a sucking void and every little thing around you reminds you of what you have lost. Every time you turn around to comment on something on the TV or making a cup of coffee and wanting to shout "do you want one too?" and then being stabbed in the gut as you remember that you are alone and they are not there. It will take time, it will take as long as it takes. But it will pass...time will pass and slowly you will start noticing that the pain lessens. You will find new things to do, maybe things you wanted to do but never did. The recovery process happens in baby steps. Focus on YOU, spend time around friends, maybe re-kindle a friendship from the past. Talk about it, get angry, cry, change the furniture around, play different music, eat new stuff....all these little things will start creating YOUR life and put distance to the old one. Don't think too far ahead, one day at a time. Say YES to invites

[Agora1]

Hi Lifeishard, I'm sorry for what you are having to go through. But you took the first step by joining this support forum. It may not take away the hurt right now but you will not feel so all alone. So many on the forum are going through the same thing you are. We can support each other by sharing our emotions and our fears. One day at a time, giving yourself the space you need to grieve your loss. The sadness won't last forever. You need to stay strong and positive that you can do this on your own. We will support you because we all care.

[Sonny216]

Hi Lifeishard,

I'm sorry you're hurting. Though I wasn't married to my ex, we lived together for 5 years and I was a father to her child (not mine)

I loved her like I loved myself. I don't know how she became EVERYTHING to me, but she was. One night I learned she was unfaithful..and I never felt SO much betrayal of trust. It was awful. Felt like the floor I was standing on dropped. Suddenly after that I was living in an upside down world. Nothing made sense. I felt so dead inside. Then to have to see her driving by or in the supermarket, was like Reliving it all over again. It took a long time for Me to get over her. I had no other friends but her. She was my everything..BUT

I'm glad to say as I write this.. I no longer miss her. Why would I want someone that treated me so poorly?

Eventually I began to heal as I moved more into caring about me. It wasn't easy, but well worth it. YOU WILL BE OK.

There *IS* Life after this relationship..AND a better You for it as well. Hang in there bud. Post often. Get involved in trying NEW things.

I remember back then, I always wanted to learn how to ride a motorcycle. Took a class at Harley Davidson and DID IT.

Then I always wanted to drive a large 18 wheeler, well..I had to settle for learning to drive a flatbed tow (12 wheeler)

These both were fears for me from and earlier age - I tackled those fears just to boost my confidence. I proved to myself that I COULD do those things. I did them without her..and it boosted my self esteem and worth. I also joined a bowling team and met new people.

I'm still single ( and that's ok too )

I promise, you will get there. You WILL be ok.

[Lifeishard]

It hurts so much at night, when you have to sleep alone and all you want is your wife laying next to you. The hurt is so unbearable right now. It has only been 4 days. I don't know how I am going to make it. I just want my wife back, the life we had. I don't what I did to deserve this.

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Hang on in there