tired

[RunDown]

I'm tired. Life holds the same garbage day in and day out. Therapists seem to only say 'CBT' (aka delude yourself into thinking things are better than they are while your pain sensors say the opposite), prayer/meditation, breathe, breathe and breathe some more, go get exercise, and eat right. Some days like this make me sorry that I have never killed myself. I think that so much pain and suffering could have been prevented. My issues revolve around anxiety and people... and depression. I can deal with my health problems and myself, but people don't realize what they say can not only be so painful but so lasting. I had a TS therapist for 9 months, but I just fired her because she called me 'negative every morning' and insinuated that I didn't want to feel better and wasn't trying hard enough to delude myself. After reading that some people felt some of the feelings that I do here yesterday, I felt better going home from work, but that evening like most of my time, seems to be unproductive because of the unwilling and painful rumination and having to deal with horrible people. I didn't feel better that other people suffered; I felt better because people are validating that the problem is very real and not something to be shushed away as 'oh you're negative, not trying hard enough, not believing in the unicorn life fantasy, not eating right, getting enough exercise or breathing enough...'

[claire0410]

I'm sorry you feel that your therapist isn't giving you the support that you need. It's time to find a new one. I get annoyed with the "eat right, exercise, meditate, etc." advice sometimes as well. I do it anyway and I find that sometimes is does help for which I am grateful. You have to just keep going and hope things will get better. I hope that you get a therapist that you can work well with. I lucked out and found a good one right off. She has made a huge difference in my life. There are good ones out there!

[Opossumish]

I'm sorry you're going through this and are not finding the coping tools recommended for you helpful.

I take a DBT class, and my perspective differs from yours. In my case, I feel that the delusion is the BS that my depression filter tells me minute by minute: that I am worthless and ugly, a failure and a loser, that everyone hates me and there's no point in trying and everything will inevitably turn out terrible because I am doomed to be miserable. When I am well, I can see that *that* is the delusion. DBT helps me to tolerate my distress and to counteract the false input that my mental illness throws at me. I know sometimes behavior therapy feels like lines you're just reading, but over time, with *lots* of practice, I've found it is possible to re -write the messages my own brain is sending me, and to rise above some of the pain. The key word is willingness though, and it doesn't sound like you're there. When I'm at my lowest, there is a certain bizarre comfort in the familiarity of the depths of depression that makes it hard to even want to escape, because it feels like home: perhaps you're experiencing something like that.

One suggestion I have for you that may feel less contrived is a WRAP workshop, if you can find one near you. WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) is a peer-run, often free, class that helps to identify and plan for distress, crisis, and recovery in specific, actionable ways. Peer support in general may be helpful to you, since it's all "us" and no "them", as there seems to be an element of distrust between you and your providers currently.

mentalhealthrecovery.com/in...

I hope you can find things that resonate enough with you in the "well world" to make you try some of these strategies that make you roll your eyes right now. They may feel silly, but they do work.

Best wishes to you.

[Windy101 in reply to Opossumish]

DBT and CBT are two different types of therapy.

[Opossumish in reply to Windy101]

Thanks for pointing that out, Windy. It felt like it was the"BT" part that tired was responding to. It's worth mentioning, though! 🙂

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dia...

[Windy101]

It's hard to find a therapist and type of therapy that you click with and that means something to you. But don't give up! CBT is popular because there's a lot of research backing it up, so insurance companies are comfortable reimbursing for it. The thing is, there are other types of therapy that have never been researched at all.

Have you told your therapist how you feel? What do you think would help you? I've always wanted to see an existentialist therapist - the kind where you can discuss, what's it all about, anyway? Why are any of us here? What's my purpose in life?

I never have found someone quite like that, so I take my medication and try to look for those answers on my own and through my spirituality. I'm a big believer in having a sense of purpose and making your life mean something worthwhile to you no matter what other people think, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.