Hello

[TIN4]

Hi everyone, I'm tine. I'm a newbie :). I was diagnose with severe depression and anxiety last September 2016. I am still going through CBT for a year now and still taking antidepressants. My psychiatrist said I am making improvement this past few months but lately I've been feeling quite unsure of my progress. My boyfriend broke up with me so maybe that is the reason why I can't control my self from doing self harm, It feels really good but I also know it's making my condition worse. I'm scared to tell my doctor about what is really happening to me because I do not want my mom to know. My family supports me but I also feel like I'm a burden. I can't help but feel guilty and ungrateful for all the blessing I have. I am scared and frightened. I do not want to be on my rock bottom again.

[Hidden]

Hi TIN4, what kind of self harm are you doing? You should be able to tell your doctor without having to tell your mom. How old are you? Break ups are always hard but keep trying to get better. Keep up with your meds and therapy.

[TIN4 in reply to Hidden]

I am using cutter to make cuts on my right wrist. My doctor won't tell my mom exactly what is happening to me but she would advice my mom to observe me carefully that is the last thing I want. I am 23 years old.

[Hidden in reply to TIN4]

I went through a little bit of cutting when I was about your age. They were very superficial but I’m not sure how deep you are cutting. I have always scratched and picked my skin when I’m stressed. I looked it up and it’s some kind of picking disorder. Maybe it releases some kind of endorphins or other kind of release. I don’t think cutting is healthy or helpful. Please be careful. Why don’t you want your mom observing you carefully other than obvious reasons of privacy

[TIN4 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for responding to my post. It is nice to hear your advice.

[TIN4]

Since I was diagnose I felt like I am a burden even though I know they are my family. I can't help my self but feel guilty despite knowing that this not my fault. My mom is quite tired for all these things happening to me and I do not want to make her worry because I love her so much, I'll rather pretend I'm ok, it's just hard to do that sometimes.

[Hidden in reply to TIN4]

Why do you feel like a burden? It’s hard to ask for help. It’s also hard to not feel guilty although you shouldn’t. Everyone needs help sometimes and you are lucky your family is there to help. As a mother even though I’m tired there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my girls. I’m not happy if they are not happy. You can help your mom by not city yourself and keeping up with you medicine and therapy. Mother can tell when something is wrong even when children try to hide it. My mom could always tell with me.

[TIN4 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for clearing my mind about this. I will try my best to keep on with my medicine and therapy.

[Hidden in reply to TIN4]

Happy to help. When I was about your age I had a bad episode of depression and dropped out of college for a semester. I felt bad that all that tuition went to waste. But I got better and paid off the student loans and slowly went back to college. Hope you start feeling better soon and feel free to contact me anytime