Feel like giving up, but hanging in there for now...

[PuppyLove2]

Hello. I have always struggled with depression and anxiety but starting in Jan. 2016 it became unmanageable. In January 2016 I quit a job that defined me as a person, but at the same time was killing me and my marriage (or so I thought). 2 weeks later, I found out my father’s cancer returned and spread. He passed away about 4 weeks after I found out. Then, while looking for a new job, I was the victim of an internet scam in which the criminal stole over $13,000 from my bank account. Shortly after, 2 of my 4 dogs past away within a month of each other. My marriage has been on the rocks for years, but has gotten worse over time. My mother died of cancer about 11 years ago and my brother has melanoma. I have a history of getting involved with men and friends that end up lying to me and/or betraying me so I can’t trust anyone. There is so much more…. I have been working with a Psychiatrist for about 2 years. Right now, I am on Prozac, Wellbutrin and Adderall. The Prozac has helped more than any other drug I’ve tried over the past 2 years, buy I can’t shake the depression, anxiety, shame etc…and Attention Deficit Disorder symptoms. I really thought it would take no more than a year to feel “normal” and get back in the swing of living a healthy lifestyle but it’s not happened yet. I can’t get motivated to look for employment and I no longer want to engage in the hobbies I have enjoyed in the past. I haven’t given up yet but constantly feel like I should. Hanging in there for now….

[Agora1]

Hi PuppyLove2, you certainly have gone through a lot of life changing issues more recently. There seems to be a couple issues that aren't really curable with medication. One of them being you quit a job that defined you as a person and now you are not motivated to look for employment. You've had deaths as well as your brother having melanoma. You were a victim of an internet scam and lost $13,000. Marriage is on the rocks, you have a history of getting involved with men and friends that lie and betray you that you can't trust anyone. That's a lot going on.

The one thing I see is that you do not trust yourself. You seem to have lost both your identity as well as your self esteem. A psychiatrist doesn't really get into talking therapy but more into writing out prescriptions to help with your life issues. I personally think you would get a lot more out of seeing a therapist who deals with women who have self confidence and self esteem issues. Something happened along the way for you that was more than about the losses in your life. Those issues need to be addressed as to where your motivation has gone. You've lost an interest in life that's obvious but as to where it came from is what is missing..

Hanging in there for now is really doing nothing but existing. You deserve to once again have a full life to enjoy with or without your husband. That's another issue neither here nor there. When everything seems to be going wrong in our lives, we lose the ambition to look forward to each day. So life seems to get placed on hold. I think working on yourself first is priority. Finding out who you are at this time of your life and where you are going.

One step at a time will get you back on the right path. Please continue using the forum and listen as others share their stories. We learn from each other with life's experiences. You are never alone. My best to you xx