Feeling down 😞

[Pacobusta1970]

It has been almost six months since my wife and i got divorce and still hurts deep inside,some days worst than others, my anxiety pulls me so hard and don’t wanna let go.

It is very painful to get used to being by my self

I try to tell my self that everything will be alright but some days thats not enough .

I ve’got to be able to let go...right?

Just don’t know how at this point.

It’s twice the pain when some of us are dealing with anxiety and depression.

Take care guys God bless.

[Mpa5524]

I know how you feel my friend, its been 6 months for me also since my fiance upped and skipped the country for a woman he met. But we gotta keep moving foward. Everything happens for a reason.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

I just had my 16th anniversary. 18 years together. This is my second marriage. I swore if I did it again it would be for keeps. He keeps drinking and I keep stressing. We have become room mates. He’s not coming home at all tonight. I had surgery on my back Tuesday. My 70 year old mom took me. When he came home he ended up getting mad because he was in a good mood until he saw me in severe pain and I ruined his day. I just found out he’s only been working 17 hours a week. He leaves early, comes home late, and I never know where he is or what he’s doing. I’m miserable. I keep thinking about how it was in the beginning or that time he did something special for me. While I sit here alone. Last year we rode in the car together twice all year. There had to be something that lead to your divorce. A reason for it. Try making a list of the reasons things fell apart. I know when I’m lonely or depressed I think about all those good things because I don’t like where I am now. I fantasize about a life where I am happy or was happy. In reality a lot of our problems were there all along. They have just become worse. I’m alone and it’s miserable so I can’t seem to end this because I know how miserable I am alone. I’m learning though that being alone without the stress of him coming in drunk and angry could just be better than being alone worrying about where he is or what he’s doing. Bills would be cheaper. Etc. Except that one time he was sweet. He might do that again. What if I miss it? We’re you happy together? We’re you both in it to win it? Did you share the same goals, joys etc.? Sometimes a bad feeling can oversghadow another bad feeling. If that makes sense. You may want what you had when you were happy because you’re sad now. Were you happy together? Both of you? If so what happened? Don’t tell me. Just think about that. I would always recommend writing positive things but don’t forget about the things that may have been bad. I still think about my first marriage. Should I have tried harder? Did I do everything right etc. Then I think about the things I could not live with and I see they haven’t changed. I am also having trouble letting go but I can’t seem to hold on either. Either you keep it or you have to learn to let it go. You have to focus on becoming your best self. If so then you will get what is best for you. It’s been a long time. If there is not a chance to get her back you need to move on however hard that may be.

[Pacobusta1970 in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Thank you so much for your words

Do you know what?

I have to do a lot of thinking now that i have read your message😊

I don’t think we are going back,she went her way and i just have to find my way out..right?

I am sorry that you are not doing well on your marriage. Take care

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to Pacobusta1970]

I hope I helped you in some small way. I have learned from my mistakes. Now I am 46 years old and alone. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone that didn’t want to be but wish if I was alone I had options of finding friends and companionship. The world is at your fingertips! Make the best of it!

[Windy101 in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Shawny, if you're alone, I think you're better off than being with an alcoholic. I live alone, too. I hate it sometimes, but in the long run, it's better than having my ex around with us driving each other up a wall.

[bluebayou]

I'm sorry you're hurting... everyday tasks are a struggle with anxiety and depression so I can't even imagine how hard a divorce must be. You're a strong person and always a positive light here! I hope you can take the time to heal and head out into the world alone but confident that you're important and worthy of love.

[Windy101]

Paco, six months is not so long. I'm divorced too, and it was probably the worst pain I've ever known. Afer eight years, sometimes I still feel sad. But the difference is, it passes and i can bear it now.

If you haven't already, I urge you to make your new home as comforting and cheerful as you possibly can. I hung up that Winston Churchill quote that said, "Never, ever, ever, ever give up." I tried to make my place warm and homey, like a nest I could come home to.I still felt very sad there, but I also felt it enfolding me and that I was taking care of myself.

I think women are probably better at nesting than men - it's built into our genes. But if you haven't done it already, make your home a place that's uniquely you, not a replica of your old place.. Make it feel like home as much as you can. I didn't have much money so I did all of this shopping at thrift stories, where you can find such fun and funky things.

The positive about divorce is that its an opportunity to start all over and create a new life. If I listed all the adventures I've had, this would be one long, obnoxious post. And I'm a pretty quiet, meek person! I met people I dearly love, done things I never though I'd do, and had experiences I wouldn't change, all because of the divorce.

Let yourself feel the pain, cry the tears, and heal. I know it's harder with depression and anxiety. I know that feeling well. You're smart and will work with your doc. Think about what are some things you can add to your life that will give it new meaning. You are here for a purpose and that purpose is still good.

OH - the holidays! I don't know if or what you celebrate, but whatever you do, I suggest creating something different and somehow especially uniquely you. Just between you and the universe. Trying to grin and bear it through the old tradtions may be very hard. Keep what you like, but also make something new and special this year, even if it's something small and brief.

I see you posting positive messages to people here that I'm sure make a difference. I look forward to seeing your posts and admire your gentle wisdom. You hang in there. You're a good man, and you'll get through this.

[Hidden]

Hi , how are you? Stay strong!!!!!!!!

[Romanharper2013]

I understand how you feel. My husband and I are still married but have been over mutually for a long time. We basically just stay living together because of the kids ( my youngest who's 5 is autistic and he's getting better but it was THE HARDEST thing I've ever had fto go through in my life esp in his younger yrs) and because I can't afford financially to be on my own yet.. so it's a bad situation. We actually have separate rooms and can barely be in the same room together. Which sucks for my kids bc they shouldn't have to choose who to be around but it's better than screaming and fighting w each other which is inevitable so I just stay away. He is SEVERELY bi polar and manic and refused to get treatment after ONE failed attempt at medication didn't like it and just stopped. Without it he's miserable and the toxic energy and negativity is SO thick you could cut it with a knife. My house feels like a prison not a home.. so I understand what you're feeling I desperately want to be happy again but I'm just stuck in limbo knowing the steps I need to take buy don't have the ability to take them. It's incredibly frustrating and depressing. I feel a DEEP sadness everyday despite being on meds and having my kids which are the only reason I even get out of bed some days.. they are the only reason I keep going. I rly truly try to live by you get what you put out into the world and attract what you put out so I rly try hard to think and be positive sometimes it works sometimes my dark thoughts take over and won't let me but if I really try it usually works. That's the only thing that I try to do to help until it passes. You have bad days and REALLY bad days but you just have to scream/sleep/eat/cry/talk it out.. or w.e until it's over.. I really feel for you and hope each day gets better. It's hard filling that void that feels like it'll never go away.. I really hope it passes soon!!