Somebody please respond 😭

[Tanya-T]

I’m 19, my baby father cheated and has left us. Our parents argued and now he hates me. His sister also blocked me and I feel excluded from their family. I also feel I never really got to say how I felt in the situation and now everybody is angry at me without hearing my side. They’ve all heard his side and decided it’s best if we coparent but if I know my ex like I think I do he’s only listening to what his family has said instead of how he really feels about me, it may be ironic because he cheated but in a way I think it was because of the circumstances we were in... I still love him and I’m devastated he doesn’t want to talk about it. I’m also struggling to move on. Every time I start to move on, I have to see him when he’s seeing our daughter. It breaks my heart all over again seeing how happy they are together because I was once included in that and I did nothing but I lost everything. At the time I was depressed I let myself go, we both lived under my mothers roof with the baby, I never wanted to leave my bed, I barely got dressed, we never had time alone and now that we’ve ended and I’ve lost him I realise what went wrong but as my boyfriend he should have spoke to me about it, he should have tried to make me realise how bad the situation was getting but his excuse is “We never had time alone” I honestly didn’t realise what was going on around me because I was so depressed, I didn’t want to do anything but be in bed and most of the time towards the end of the relationship he made me feel even worse. I felt worthless because of a number of reasons and now I’m going back to that feeling. It hurts so bad for his family to isolate me, it hurts that he doesn’t want to talk to me and it hurts that I’m alone with our baby when he should be here. I’m so heart broken somebody help me 😭😭😭😭😭

[Crazy-K]

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I am 30 yrs old and have a 12 yr old son. His dad cheated on me and was physically and mentally abusive after I had my son. I ended up leaving him when my son was close to 2.

It was really really hard though. I actually left him twice and went back after like a week the first time and that was a huge mistake. Something about having a child with someone just makes it so hard to leave.

I'm sure you do love your child's father and you are feeling completely devastated and just heartbroken. I remember when I left my son's father I kept thinking how do I do this? This isn't the way things were ​supposed to go, I was devastated about losing the future I expected to have as a family with him.

If he has cheated on you though, whatever reason you may think he had for it, that is not ok. I have a problem with excusing bad behavior from men myself​. I let my exes and my current bf get away with treating me badly. I make excuses for it and blame myself. It's something I'm trying to change. It's hard when you love someone to accept that it's over. Like you said though, if your relationship was important to him he would have said something when things were going in the wrong direction.

I know it is really hard right now but you will get over him in time. Maybe you can try to focus on it in another way. Instead of how much you miss him try to remind yourself instead of all the reasons he isn't good for you. If he makes you feel bad about yourself and like you don't matter than he isn't good for you. If he knows you're heartbroken and devastated and ignores you than he isn't the right one. He should care about how you are feeling and want to help you to be the best you that you can be. He should want to make you happy. If he's only worried about his own feelings than he's not right for you.

Children learn from what they see so maybe focus on what kind of example you want to set for your child as they grow up. I wish someone had told me that back when my son was little. I was so lonely after I left his dad that I jumped into a relationship with the first guy that was nice and seemed interested in me. He turned out to be very controlling and mentally abusive. The opposite of what example I wanted my son to see. I'm​ still ashamed of myself for that stuff. I feel like maybe if I had the right guidance and support back then I could have done so much better.

Just try and remember that you are not worthless and you are worthy of being loved, really loved. You are important and you matter. You deserve to be happy and your child deserves a happy and loving mother. I know it's easier said than done trying to move on, but I promise you can get through this. If you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here and you can message me anytime. I may not be able to be much help but I will try my best. I hope you start having better days and feeling better. (Hugs)

[hypercat54 in reply to Crazy-K]

Great reply Crazy-K. I am sorry you had to go through this as well and I am so glad you are in a better place now. x

[Crazy-K in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you. That's just a small portion of what I have been through​ in life. That was the short version of part 3. Lol.

I always joke about one day writing a book about it all. I joke that maybe I could get Oprah to help me do it. Does she still have a book club? Lol.

I joke a lot because it helps me feel more comfortable. I am a lot better at giving advice to others than I am at my own life. That's the truth, but I am trying. I am better off now than I was then so at least I'm moving.

[hypercat54 in reply to Crazy-K]

Received and understood. x

[Tanya-T in reply to Crazy-K]

Thank you, this response is everything. I will definitely take your advice and whenever I’m feeling low I will refer back to it because it’s very true. I’m very grateful for you taking your time to respond to me. God bless you 💖

[Crazy-K in reply to Tanya-T]

I am so glad to be able to help. It makes me feel good if I can help anyone. You are so very welcome.

[old-soul]

I have only had a small number of relationships in my life (4) but all of them were committed and monogomous, at least on my side of them. I have learned that, when I am involved with someone for years, and it comes to an end, I really need to take a 100% break for being part of a couple, and take the time to get balanced and comfortable on my own again before I really want to start dating because, if I'm still all screwed up and briken/hurting ect from a recent break-up, what kind of woman am I going to attract in that state? Obviously not a very healthy one.

No man is going to fix a woman's problems either. In my opinion, and I am speaki g from a man's point of view, and also am a very OLD GRUPMY old old man . . . (lol) a really great guy that's gonna be an asset to you and to your life is going to want the same in return.

I hope you can take the time to get your legs back under you . . . slow down . . . get centered . . . get to where you actually feel comfortable and relaxed being by yourself, and THEN maybe consider your options as far as a good man that is also in the same league. In my opinion, THAT is how strong families are made.

There are some really great people here Miss Tanya T. As you can see, they speak the truth too. It may not always be what you really WANT to hear, but it's a message of lo've, concern and community that comes from hard-earned personal experience.

"Smart" is learning frombyour own mistakes. "Wise" is learning by observing the mistakes of others, and NOT having to make them yourself!