Wanting to give up

[edoyle116]

I am new here and was directed by a crisis hotline to possibly use this community as a resource. I have struggled with depression for 20 years and PTSD for 10. I have had countless treatments and been in programs but usually they only help temporarily or I am deemed too sick and sent to the hospital. I am currently in therapy twice a week with a relatively new therapist and on a variety of meds.

I am struggling immensely lately. I just feel incredibly apathetic about everything and am constantly trying to escape negative thoughts and emotions but numbing out and distracting. I've found it increasingly hard to leave my apartment or even shower and take care of basic responsibilities. I have no motivation or discipline to push myself into healthier behaviors.

I feel like a burden on my friends and family and have recently lost a very good friend because she could no longer support me in my illness. I know my few friends and family would be upset if I were to hurt myself but I am so often in so much anguish that it is hard for me to justify sticking around just for their sake.

I feel like I have no purpose and no meaning in my life. On top of that I truly hate myself and view myself as worthless, disgusting and pathetic. I just don't see the point in fighting. I am not a strong person and have given up before and that's basically where I am at now- just wanting to give up.

Sorry for the long post. Any help would be appreciated.

[HearYou]

Welcome, but Whew!.....what type of help would you like first? You seemed to have life long good care and continue to have PTSD type issues. Let's take it one concern at a time.

Which one would you like to talk about first with the members in this venue? As the saying goes...How do you eat a whale? One bite at a time. Let us know, if you don't mind, what meds you are now taking...that helps me and probably others in our replies to you.

Welcome!

[Sprinkle1]

Sorry for all your suffering, I agree with HearYou, tell us what we can do to be of help. Maybe you need your meds changed. I know PTSD can be helped, do you have a Psychiatrist? Can you get into a support group. There is help out there, go on line, go to your library, they should have many books you could read. I wish you well, let us help you. Sending Love & Peace. Sprinkle 1

[pinkplasticball]

My heart hurts for another fellow human being struggling with these debilitating, scary and painful thoughts and feelings. If I could cure the relentless and unwanted intrusive thoughts of every person on this planet, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I know how it feels to feel hopeless. I know how it feels to feel not good enough. A failure. Trapped, claustrophobic, no way out and no paths ahead. Useless, a lost cause, beyond fixing. All I can say is, even though it feels like no one could possibly relate to how you are feeling, you are not alone. That is the truth.

You may not be able to see them yet, but there are people there, genuine people who really care, not out of some ingrained sense of moral duty or responsibility, or because it’s their job, or any other reason other than their heart genuinely wants nothing more than to take the pain away from anyone suffering and restore the happiness and energy to embrace life that every human is entitled to at birth.

I pray that you find them soon, whether that be here, or with your new therapist or a newer therapist or maybe even one after that, or the nurse in the hospital, or even the checkout person ringing up your groceries. You never know when that one special person is going to do that one thing, say the one thing that puts everything in perspective, that lights up that bulb and changes your life. It may not make you instantly better, but it’s my hope that it allows you to perhaps alter your thought process, or to recognize and reroute a negative thought process, or even just gives you that glimmer hope in humanity to keep searching, keep moving forward, keep believing that there are still people who genuinely care even though it seems like there is no hope, and will never give up on trying to help you. Never give up, you are loved.