My thought this morning

Why are there so many of us with depression? I used to think I was the only one and that I was a weirdo. It gives me hope that I have good days and feel ok and maybe even content but it takes a lot of hard work. I have been through rubbish in my life and came out the other end stronger. I’m a lot wiser through life experiences but to be honest I get days where I’ve had it and can’t see or talk to anyone. I’ve accepted this isn’t wrong. It’s part of my coping mechanism. Yesterday I didn’t leave the house. Today I am going out. Not sure where. Can I be bothered? No. I love to watch people with a thirst for life. That’s how I want to be. Hope you can all have a better day today.

[Vonnah]

I stay in the house too when I'm severely depressed. So, i only leave when i go to work or to get food from the store or fast food.

I can't watch people who love the life they live because it sucks seeing the opposite of the life i could only have in my dreams. Seeing other happy people and pretty girls with makeup on and with their little boyfriends make me more depressed because i know i will never be like that. I will always be ugly and never have a boyfriend. Life is not worth living if you already know there's no reason for your own life. That's how i see it😪😔

[Hidden in reply to Vonnah]

That’s how you see it and only you. I bet you’re not ugly! In my head I tell myself I am a horrible person and that’s why I sometimes have to be on my own because that way I won’t be horrible to anyone. I’ve been told that it’s utter nonsense and that I am a popular lovely person but I’ve told myself I’m not nice and that’s it! What I will say Vonnah life is worth living! We have to work harder at it than people that don’t suffer with depression but we have to keep going. How do you know people are truly happy just because they have make up on and have boyfriends? People with depression are good at putting faces on and pretending to be happy and nobody knows any different. I for one am an expert at it. It’s exhausting but I do it every time I go out.

[Vonnah in reply to Hidden]

I understand. But i was saying my anxiety gets triggered when i see better looking people to me because i know I'm ugly. I was bullied in high school and got called ugly almost everyday for 4 years. Its rough. So i have a problem with feeling self conscious when i see a pretty girl with makeup on. Even the ones without makeup because their faces are still clear. I have acne all over my face due to a endocrine disorder. So all of that hurts me. So when i see people and it causes anxiety and reminds me of my low worth then that triggers a depressive episode. It is recurring. I'm on meds. It sucks. So the world makes me more depressed because I'm not happy and i end up comparing myself to others! Its so hard.

[Hidden]

Wish I could help you Vonnah. I was bullied at school too. I started school at 5 years old and couldn’t speak English. It was a long time ago. I just wanted to look like everyone else. I had black hair. Parents Italian. I guess I didn’t fit in with English people. I certainly wasn’t pretty and not allowed boyfriends anyway. I used to get shouted to go back to my own country. I was very shy at school. I didn’t speak to anyone about how I felt. I think what’s happened to me now is assertiveness gone wrong. I’m certainly not shy anymore. I do understand you know. Have you tried counselling? Do you have friends and family you can talk to? I wish there was more professional help you could get. It makes me so sad when I read these posts.

[Frishup]

Hey, it gives me joy to hear you say that you have good days, and haven't lost hope. We are a lot of people who know what you're going through, and we'd love to help, I myself see this community as a kind of family, or a great group of friends, because people are always ready to help eachother. If you need someone to talk to, I'm all ears.

Wishing you the best.

[gogogirl]

Good for you.