I haven't been on here in awhile. Life has just been crazy.
2.5 weeks ago my relationship of 15 years ended. So I've been dealing with all of that. The relationship was over long before we officially ended it, we were just too stubborn to let it go. Thankfully we weren't living together or anything like that, so splitting things up was pretty simple. He wants to try to remain friends but I'm not sure I can do that. We'll see what happens.
A big part of the problems in our relationship was my anxiety and depression. He could just not understand it wasn't something I can just snap out of. He is an extrovert and wants to go out and meet new people and do this and do that...that isn't me. Even if I wasn't battling so much depression, it wouldn't be me. I'm an introvert. I don't like to go out with people I hardly know and engage in a whole night of mindless small talk.
I feel like dealing the break up has been pretty easy. He and I were pretty much just friends the last year of our relationship.
But I think the reason I held on to it so long, is I don't think anyone else is going to want me. I'm damaged goods. I feel like I'm going to be alone forever because no one is going to be able to deal with my mental illness issues. My depression has gotten much worse in the last few weeks. I called a psychiatrist and she said she wants to help and she'll charge me way less than she normally would. So I have an appointment with her next week. I hope she can help me because I can't live like this.
Thanks for letting me vent!