So depressed

[AnxiousGirl87]

I haven't been on here in awhile. Life has just been crazy.

2.5 weeks ago my relationship of 15 years ended. So I've been dealing with all of that. The relationship was over long before we officially ended it, we were just too stubborn to let it go. Thankfully we weren't living together or anything like that, so splitting things up was pretty simple. He wants to try to remain friends but I'm not sure I can do that. We'll see what happens.

A big part of the problems in our relationship was my anxiety and depression. He could just not understand it wasn't something I can just snap out of. He is an extrovert and wants to go out and meet new people and do this and do that...that isn't me. Even if I wasn't battling so much depression, it wouldn't be me. I'm an introvert. I don't like to go out with people I hardly know and engage in a whole night of mindless small talk.

I feel like dealing the break up has been pretty easy. He and I were pretty much just friends the last year of our relationship.

But I think the reason I held on to it so long, is I don't think anyone else is going to want me. I'm damaged goods. I feel like I'm going to be alone forever because no one is going to be able to deal with my mental illness issues. My depression has gotten much worse in the last few weeks. I called a psychiatrist and she said she wants to help and she'll charge me way less than she normally would. So I have an appointment with her next week. I hope she can help me because I can't live like this.

Thanks for letting me vent!

[August1]

I liked reading your post, i especially related to how you feel your illness causes you to feel like 'no one will want me because of it'. But you admitted that you're a strongly introverted person and that's okay. Combined with anxiety, its a curse.

You're not worthless. Your introverted qualities are very attractive to likeminded individuals, I'd imagine.

Take some time for yourself. Recharge. Taking walks in the extroverted side are draining enough. You said 15 years if i remember correctly so i can't even imagine what that feels like.

[AnxiousGirl87 in reply to August1]

Thank you! I will certainly be taking time for myself and it will be a very long time before I start thinking about dating and relationships again.

I was 7 weeks from being 15 when we started dating and I'll be 30 October 1st. It was a long relationship and it's going be quite an adjustment I know. I think most of it will be good. I need to find out who I am and work on me before I start getting into any kind of thoughts about dating and all of that. I'm excited about the future and yet still feel so depressed.

[Lag1]

I am so sorry that you are dealing with so much right now. DBT (Dialectical behavioral therapy) works very well for me. You can go into a treatment program that teaches you the skills but there is a great book and workbook on Amazon. The "dialectical" part refers to how we can experience multiple emotions at the same time...nervous and excited, etc. The skills help you manage them. They teach you to be mindful of your emotions, acknowledge them, sit through some uncomfortable moments, recognize when we are going into a danger zone. I don't know if you are medicated; if not, maybe you should try something and if you are already on something maybe adding something or an increased dose would be helpful to get you back on track. Good luck.

[DragonTears]

Hey AnxiousGirl87,

Thanks for sharing your story. I can totally relate! I met my ex-husband at 16 and we were together for 14 years (2 years married) and very similarly we broke up long after we should have anyway. You get used to each other and the lines become blurry. I felt very lost for a while. When you come out of a relationship at 30 (I was 31) and find yourself single for the first time in your life, that can be pretty daunting.

You are not "damaged goods", you have experience and bags of it. You will meet someone when the time is right that is a better match for you than your ex. When you get into a relationship at such a young age, it is only natural that you may grow apart and become different people. if you met your ex today, you probably wouldn't get together! So this time around you will make a much more educated choice of partner, you have that experience and that's a good thing!

Focus on yourself for now and get your own life off the ground. Feel the freedom and the opportunity to build a new you! It's like August1 said, there are loads of introvert people out there who are just like you. You will meet someone who wants nothing more than stay in with you, cuddle up in the sofa and watch a movie on a Saturday night. Someone who is happy to read a book in the same room as you and just chill. Someone you can share your bubble with Everything will just feel right!

I am 36 now and I have met my match! it is incredible how easy it is being with him, we just gel. So enjoy the freedom and be assured that there is a match out there for you!

Big Hugs! Xx