Bad day

[ab1685]

Hi I'm new to this but I thought this was worth a shot in trying.

I'm having a hard time, I guess I should start at my 1st trigger, my work... my work is over whelming every day, I am just an hour employee but my job is relyed on so much that if I miss one step it's feels like I'm letting down the whole team or I fear of the repercussions so much that I over work myself to be perfect. Trigger 2 my best friend that I have known my whole life was hit by a train the day after my 30th bday and died. He wasn't just my best friend he was like a brother to me. Trigger 3, my family. I will be unable to go in to detail just know they expect me to be someone I'm not. They do not understand my illness nor can I talk to them in a time of need with out them pushing me over the edge. Trigger 4, my sister (who suffers from the same illness as me) tried to kill her self Sunday night and is now in the hospital.

I'm having a bad day. Not just a bad day a hard month, it has been hard to get out of bed, move, smile, and pretend that my head is not looking for an escape. I am running out of lies to tell my friends so I don't have to hangout with them. I want to hang out with them but the day comes and all I want is to hide in my room and be left alone. Days like this morning I sit in my bathroom and try to gain control of my life and my thoughts but the only way I know to feel better is to drag a blade across my thigh, I haven't yet I'm trying to find a different way to feel better hopefully this works. I'm just having a difficult time.

[DragonTears]

Hi ab1685,

Welcome to the forum darling. Oh dear you have a lot on your plate! I am so very sorry for your friend, your sister and your family. It must be so hard. How long ago did your friend pass away? did you receive any support and help for your grief? How have you been healing from that?

Families can be so very difficult to get on board. Parents tend to not want to admit their child is suffering and if they are not familiar with mental health, they can really struggle to understand you. I can only guess with what happened to your sister on Sunday, they have to open their eyes. Can you talk to your sister about this? can you two support each other? maybe if the two of you join forces, the rest of the family will be forced to accept the situation?

Please try to not self-harm. Can you do something else instead of using sharp objects? I used to switch my sharp objects for permanent markers, red ones, it gave me some satisfaction visually and was enough to take the edge off. Sometimes it can help to scribble down words and thoughts on paper. even if it is just the same word 450 times, it can help get the frustration out. Distract yourself with music, whatever you like, but I would recommend something uplifting or slow, not aggressive music as that can heighten the anger and frustration.

Remember you are so not alone. We are all here to support you and we all want you to find a better way of dealing with this and get that connection to your family and sister.

Big hugs Xx

[mapofgaia]

Hi ab1685

just wanted to say first you need to see a dr. Maybe meds will help. So much has happened to you. I get it. I've had depression my whole life. Bunch of bad stuff. But both my daughters had babies 3 weeks apart. One of my daughters immediately had to have surgery to remove cancer from her colon, then 3 days later the older one had a pulmonary embolism. Then I got fired from my job. There is a straw that breaks people. I agree talk to your sister. For you both to feel this way and your parents not to understand really suggests they aren't very good at being parents and that's very common. In sure there's lots more to your story there always is. I could write a book. Last thing if you feel like cutting. ..I was doing my wrist with my fingernails till they'd bleed. My therapist suggested ice. ...it gives you the pain escape without harm. If you want to talk more I'll be around. Namaste

[Monique1]

Hello ab1685,

Welcome, I just joined this group too. First of all you have to know that there are people that understand you completely and we're all here to help you, so don't feel alone in this. Okay, about your work.. Listen, my advice is, take some days off to relax and put your thoughts in order. If you can't do this, the only thing I can think of is to take a big breath every time you step into your building and think of everything you'll have to do that day. Be prepared to have a lot of things so you don't feel stressed and overwhelmed afterwards. But before you start anything, say 3 times (out loud if you like) "I AM capable of this, I can do it, and I will do it" even if you don't believe it, say it. Try it for 2 weeks and see if it helps you. If that doesn't help, try praying (if you are religious) every morning before work, or you could try meditation or just breathing deeply and slowly for 1 minute with your eyes closed, so you can start off your day relaxed. About your friend.. I'm so, very sorry dear. I do believe that there's nothing a man can say to soothe the pain of a loss, the only thing I can say is that everything will get better and your friend will always be with you now. Always. Now, about your family..Look, I don't know if you are close with them or not, but if you feel stressed by this behavior of theirs, you should just be open and tell them what's going on. I'm sure they'll understand-they're your family after all. But even if they don't, you should not be discouraged. Not every person can understand what someone's going through. That doesn't mean they don't love you, though. You need to be around your loved ones to feel safe and loved. I'm sorry about your sister, too.. perhaps when she's out of the hospital you could talk to her and you could take a deep breath and decide to try hard to fix everything that drags you down. And don't worry, we believe in you, and your strength. The only thing left is for you to believe in it.! Best of luck with everything you do.

[Windy101]

Oh my, you have had quite a hard time lately. I think anyone, no matter how strong they are, would be feeling overwhelmed. I agree that this is time to take the best care of yourself. You are grieving a big loss and with work and family stresses, that is so much to deal with. You don't have to make excuses to friends. You can just say you're not feeling well and let it go at that. Self-soothing, pampering, being around people who love you and do understand ... comfort food, soft blankets and slippers, a nice candle, aromatherapy oils, even a stuffed animal, deep breathing ... what makes you feel a little better? Call a hotline, post here, journal, whatever it takes to take care of YOU. And yes, I would recommend reaching out to mental health pros for some appointments. Again, anyone would be struggling with so much to deal with. Send you warm thoughts and love during such a challenging time that you will get through it and come out stronger.