Good days, bad days

[BlueBelle06]

It’s hard going through med changes, side effects, mood shifts etc. some days are good and some are bad. Today’s not so good. I’m trying to remember that I’m better than 2 weeks ago and not catastrophize. The guilt I feel about not being the “perfect” mom can be overwhelming. I think social media makes these feelings worse- seeing what all the other moms are doing and I feel too tired or whatever. I just want to be cured of depression for good, but I think after this long I have to accept it and keep doing the best I can to keep trying to get better.

[Mumma_h]

Hi bluebelle, yes , feeling like you're failing as a mum is the worst feeling, that feeling overwhelmed me so much that I think it was what sent me into my first bout of depression, and the constant criticism from ex husband and his family. My children were fed , bathed and absolutely loved and adored by me,they had school friends and did sport and went to birthday parties etc so I don't think they had it it too bad, but there where many many many days all I could do was manage their basic needs , my husband didn't do any of the parenting stuff, at all !! Hope you have a good partner if you do. I hated myself for not being perfect, but the truth is no one is , these other mums most likely have confidence in themselves and You don't, that's the difference, I bet if any of them were completely honest, they have troubles and doubts too. Who knows maybe they'd love to hear from someone who has struggles too, maybe they're thinking the same things as you ,Just the fact that you worry about being a good mum tells me that you definitely are, all kids want is to feel safe and loved and their basic needs met, if you're really struggling to do any of the extra stuff be kind to yourself and give yourself time, you deserve that, and the rest will come, put down social media for a minute and look at your beautiful babies and just love them, they're all yours !!! ( mine are growing up,in their teens so I miss that, but they're still MY babies) I don't do social media,never have, cos what am I gonna say? Having a crappy day today or my son is driving me to insanity(he has tourettes which comes with other issues, really mis behaving), or hi all, feeling extremely unhappy today, etc etc I don't want to see how great everyone else is !! I'll feel like a loser and I put enough pressure on myself already. Plus I'm useless with internet, this is the first site I've spoken to anyone on, it's so funny and scary; I tried Facebook and my daughter said it looked like I was stalking someone, I was just looking at photos, how embarrassing, nearly threw the phone, tried Facebook again the other day and accidentally sent my son a thumbs up after we had a argument, wasn't appropriate,so silly I am sometimes. Anyway you'll be in my prayers cos I know exactly how you feel, our children are our everything so if we feel like we're failing ; which I'm sure you're not; it crushes our very spirit. God bless you beautiful mummy ❤️

[Mumma_h in reply to Mumma_h]

Ps , our kids won't know or remember all the Facebook stuff, they'll remember mummy telling them how much you love them and getting on the floor and doing a puzzle or just reading they're favourite book and having a cuddle or letting them help with cooking and not getting cross if they make a mess , that's what will stay with them forever . ❤️

[SmilesLots in reply to Mumma_h]

Good advice!

[BlueBelle06 in reply to Mumma_h]

Thank you for your kind post. Fortunately, i do have a good husband to help who is understanding of the depression. I’ve never been good at giving myself grace. I think it’s very hard to do but i know it’s necessary especially when I’m just trying to get by most days.

[SmilesLots]

May I ask how old your children are? I think the mistake I made with my daughter was not discussing my depression with her and explaining to her how it affected me. If you love your children and they know they are loved, that's what matters most. Not if the house clean all the time, not if you cook dinner every night etc.

I hope you feel better and stop feeling guilty - guilt is a symptom of depression.

[BlueBelle06 in reply to SmilesLots]

They are 8 and 12. Unfortunately, my 12 year old developed depression at age 10. So I have l discussed it with her in that context and sometimes if I'm in bed and she looks concerned, I tell her I'm having some depression, but that I will be ok. My 8 year old is too young to understand. I have migraines as well so sometimes that's why I'm not 100% and I tell her about that, but that I will be ok. If I'm very depressed and she asks what's wrong, I tell her I'm sad. I feel like that's ok for her to see that its ok to be sad sometimes. I think she's too young to understand the full concept of depression (or at least I don't think her personality can handle it).

I know some think you should hide it from them to protect them. However, given my genetic history of depression, I worry both of my children will have problems and I hope if she sees its ok to feel sad and be open about it, she will come to me if she starts feeling depression one day.

Thank you for replying. I definitely don't have the house clean every day or cook every night, but I love my children with my whole heart and they do know that

[justanote]

I understand how you feel. Social media can really be detrimental to my mental health. It may be best to take a break from it for a while so you can start seeing your progress for what it really is. Taking life one day at a time is huge. Just today I was stressing over decorating my house for Christmas. I normally love to decorate, but just wasn't "feeling" it. So I decided to make a plan that I will tackle decorating on Saturday when I have more time. I instantly felt better because it took the pressure off. I encourage you to do what you can today and celebrate the successes, no matter how small. I'm praying for you!

[BlueBelle06 in reply to justanote]

Thank you. I think it’s important for me to remember not to compare to others, which is hard on the bad days, as you know. I’ve been setting some mom personal goals each day and trying not to worry about the June Cleavers of the world. I’m glad you postponed your decorating as a gift to yourself - that’s a big job!

[justanote in reply to BlueBelle06]

Each one of us are created completely unique from one another. God has gifted you with abilities that no one else has. Remember that when you're tempted to compare yourself with June Cleaver! You are on your way to healing!

[BlueBelle06 in reply to justanote]

Thank you

[Sabio77]

Hi bluebelle06. Its ok. when a person goes thru med changes its got its ugly season and the shiny season. its normal. Please don't be so hard on yourself by comparing to other mothers. that only sets yourself up for failure ok. I don't want you to go thru any unnecessary negativity. Keep that head my friend. you focus on that light at the end of the tunnel. Its a process and you WILL get there. Believe in you. Focus on you and your family. don't worry about what other parents are doing. JUST BE YOU... take care of you and shine your good points. you can take the love from your kids and family and use that to motivate you to keep trying to be the better BlueBelle06 ok. Hugs and a smile are both free, and they travel for miles. Hugs and smiles to you.