Anxiety is Ruining my Life

[cmills1100]

I'm new here but I'm slipping. I had a panic attack about 3 months ago when my SO and his son moved in. I can't afford therapy and my anxiety is manifesting in anger. I keep lashing out when I don't mean to and I don't want to and it always ends up in me hurting my partner and apologizing afterwards. His feelings are hurt, he doesn't understand why I'm behaving this way (even though I've explained my past and anxiety) and he doesn't know how much longer he can do it. The more he worries about "us" the more I worry and so on I go spiraling. I've been off meds for several years and haven't seen a therapist since I was 15 and pregnant with my now 6 year old special needs/disabled son. I've been through a lot and I'm stubborn so I kept telling him I could make myself better and I'd get a grip and handle it but it keeps getting worse. Now he doesn't think it will get better. I'm scared and I don't know how to change to get back to a more comfortable state. My anxiety is literally ruining my life.

[Depressed1996]

A lot of people on here would love to talk to you about some of the things that give you anxiety. Taking on here I have found to be a free form of therapy.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Anxiety is the worst.

[cmills1100 in reply to Depressed1996]

I thought I'd start here so I could talk to other people who are going through similar things. Maybe they would have some advice since I can't really afford to go to an actual licensed therapist. Plus just feeling connected like I'm not crazy and alone I thought would help.

[Hidden]

Hi not sure what SO means? The self help route clearly isn't enough to deal with your anxiety so my advice is to go back to your doctors and ask for help. There is a fine line between being stubborn and accepting that sometimes you need outside help.

Your bf might be reassured if he saw you were getting some help. I hope you find some answers. x

[cmills1100 in reply to Hidden]

SO means significant other. He didn't want to talk over text today so I'm waiting for him to come home so we can "talk" about it. That could send me over the edge even more than I already have felt. I am bringing to the table the fact that I am seeking help, the things I learned today when doing searching and some solutions I found so hopefully he will see that I am going to really put in actions to try to work this out. I finally figured out the root cause of my anxiety and why it gets so much worse during different activities/conversations and I'm hoping that alone will help me get through this.