Mentally handicapped

[disturbedbysociety]

I am always told by everyone that I am not strong enough physically, especially by my bf.

We meet once in 3 months so I don't really no how he casually talks and what is his tone while talking about any particular stuff. He always tells me that I don't have much physical strength and I feel bad but ignore it. But today he told me that I got none. When I ask him that when I don't compare him with the qualities I have or the qualities I dreamed my dream guy would have then why he compares me with his he has a reply that he was joking. We usually end up fighting on chats due to such reasons of me nt able to understand his jokes.

Sometime back he asked me to take my time till August 15, think about us deeply and tell him what I got in mind and I said no with a sorry. I asked him the same thing today and he said fine by me.

I am a little bit into self harm. I either skip meals or use a blade to let me feel at ease. Since I'm at home and not allowed to skip meals, now I depend on blades. I really don't know what to do. I feel sadness and anger at the same time. Right now my anger is hotter than a red hot pan. Don't know what to do!!