Scared

For a while i was doing better , thinking more positive, not getting panic attacks, more energy etc. so I thought I could maybe finally get a job again. I applied but once I got the phone call my anxiety came back, I totally freaked out and didn't answer. I feel so horrible about myself and dont have the emotional stability to handle anything. On top of this as I was talking to my mom she told me she thinks I have bipolar disorder, and that just pushed me over the edge and now I'm in the pit of anxiety and sadness I was in before. I know my mom isn't a doctor but she does have bipolar disorder and I dont know what to do with that information, I cant get it off my mind. I fight with myself i dont wanna believe I have bipolar disorder but I'm convinced I do. I hear about some people having psychosis during manic episodes and that terrifies me. I had sleep paralysis again last night and now today seems pointless. I dont know what to do, I'm always fighting with my emotions. How do I cope with this?

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi thank you for allowing us to read your post. As you have said your Mum is not a Doctor so isn't qualified to diagnose you. How about visiting your own Doctor and discussing through with him/her. Also there are leaflets and guides that are available to read but please speak to the professional first before getting worried. We always think the worst and then sometimes we imagine we have an illness before we know the true facts. There is plenty of support out there for you, take care and good luck.

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[kathyncoke]

I agree with MAS_nurse. You need to see a professional and get a proper diagnosis. I know from personal experience doing this is extremely difficult. I suggest having someone go with you, even if the only person you can find is your mom. If your diagnosis comes back positive, you will feel so much better. If you are diagnosed as bi-polar, you know what the problem is and can start working to overcome it.

[ElJared91]

Hey Loki!!

#1: You are definitely NOT a failure. The fact that you actually went forward in applying for the job means that you are actually very strong and have the will to want to live a better and more full life!

I'm sure every single person who uses this website has encountered a "blip" or two along the long and confusing road to treatment and recovery, and I'm sure it can be very frustrating and scary after a long time of not encountering them. Just realize that this is a temporary set back! You said yourself that had been feeling pretty good not that long ago, so it IS possible for you to regain that same energy and positivity that seems so far away right now.

As MAS_Nurse and kathyncoke have said, you need to go and see your Dr. as soon as you can to try and get a diagnosis. Even if you are diagnosed with being bipolar, there are many excellent treatment options (medication/therapy) to start you on the road to recovery... best of luck with everything and hopefully you can feel a little better soon!