Is there help !!!

[davidmcguire8]

Am constantly thinking about dyin / death , how long aye have left in life , how a will die , see myself dyin as well if that makes sense , is there help and what is it a do , a feel ok talking about this here but not to others close to me , am constantly hitting a bad yin that's what a call it when a feel like this , it's mostly at nights this happens cause am thinking more , am begging for help here 😳, only 31 and it's running my life

[CaptainCrunch]

Your not alone. I wrestle with the same junk. You are not alone. Keep posting I am here and listening.

[davidmcguire8 in reply to CaptainCrunch]

Is there help ? It's most nights , a don't know what to do it's taken over my life ☹️☹️☹️

[kindlet1 in reply to davidmcguire8]

There is a possibility you have some kind of drama in your past that triggered this reaction. Captain Crunch, I love your post about cold water, and fight or flight. Sounds like maybe PTSD is the culprit here, and it can be scary

[kindlet1 in reply to kindlet1]

I meant trama not drama lol, although we all have that don't we?

[jmgillette in reply to davidmcguire8]

I have began listening to self hypnosis at night when I go to bed, I really think it is helping, I have similar issues and I have been able to go to sleep and stop the awful thoughts at bed time.

[larae0526]

You're not alone. Most times I don't even feel like I'm living at all.

[davidmcguire8 in reply to larae0526]

A hate my life the now , it's gettin worse it's actually in my head like am waitin to die 🙁🙁

[larae0526 in reply to davidmcguire8]

That's a place I unfortunately share with you. I wish I had an answer. I'm not sure other than try to take it minute by minute. We have to believe we aren't put here to suffer and die. There must be a purpose. I'm really struggling too. I'm sorry. I'm here in the darkness too.

[davidmcguire8 in reply to larae0526]

It's took over my life ☹️, the least we thing a feel chest heart arm etc a think am taken heart attack like waiting to collapse 😰, a can't sleep cause am scared a don't wake up , am always thinking am dyin 🙁😰, hate this feeling

[larae0526 in reply to davidmcguire8]

Are you able to meditate? I'm not but wish I could. I think it's a good way to control your breathing and thoughts. Just a suggestion. I'm sorry you're suffering. I'm actually not afraid to die. I see the news stories of people that have families that love them, but they were in a terrible accident or murdered. I wonder why my life is spared. Just to exist? I would trade places with them so they could go on living their life... bc mine doesn't seem worth it. And that's really not fair.

[davidmcguire8 in reply to larae0526]

A just don't know we're to go from here 🙁🙁, aw hope ur ok 👌, why do we live like this 🙁🙁,

[larae0526 in reply to davidmcguire8]

I'm not sure but I just joined this forum last night and maybe just to tell you that you're not alone. It's good you're able to talk.

[davidmcguire8 in reply to larae0526]

Thank u , am new to this to

[Catrib in reply to davidmcguire8]

No sweetie. YOU ARE So NOT alone. But I know you desire a friend that could be there for you to talk to face to face. Instead we have to reach out to people we can't even meet up with. To vent. I wonder WHY. Why do our family and friends look the other way when we try to talk to them about what's really going on. Sorry you don't have that. Neither do i. People tend to go away when we try

[Catrib in reply to Catrib]

We're here because we don't have the support of our family and so called friends. It really shouldn't have to be this way. But thank God we have this site and people that are living thru the same.

[Catrib in reply to Catrib]

But I guess we can say we're not alone. But that's the only comfort we get. No hugs no human contact

[Hidden in reply to larae0526]

I do that too larae0526!

[Allyson201 in reply to larae0526]

Exactly how I feel...

[CaptainCrunch]

You're in a rough spot right now. I was there too in my early thirties. Going through it again in my 40s however this time I am doing it differently.

Your brain's alarm system is going off. The amygdala. The fight or flight part of your brain. Next comes the frontal cortex... which gives you the ability to think and reason. However you amygdala is misfiring the threat and you are hyper focusing on the worst imaginable... which then feeds the amygdala all over again and continues to feed the painful cycle.

Knowing all this doesn't really help except to know your not crazy. Your brain is not your friend and all it cares about is its survival. It sucks. The good news is the plasticity of the brain can change.

Finding support is a huge blessing. I agree as earlier stated that you are here for a purpose. Distraction in the early stages of this is probably your best bet. As hard as it may seem. I am on meds and see a therapist now. I am currently working through CBT and ERP. If you really want to zapp your brain take a cold shower or bath. That will rest your thinking but who really wants to do that all the time.

So there is hope. You won't be like this forever. I believe God is with us. We are growing and learning. None of this suffering is going to go to waste. Please keep posting. I am here for you.

[Jenmomof3 in reply to CaptainCrunch]

Beautifully written. I too have an overwhelming fear of death that seems to consume me. I am new to this site as of today. What is CBT and ERP? Sometimes I am also afraid to go to sleep, because I fear I won't wake up. I also fear checking on my kids bcuz I'm always afraid what if they passed away in their sleep and I had to find them? Thought of death consume me and I never feel good.

[CaptainCrunch in reply to CaptainCrunch]

CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and ERP stands Exposure Ritual Prevention. ERP is more of our focus because I have OCD. In my case, my ritual is to ruminate while others may be checking or washing hands(germs). My OCD has me to believe if I worry about/ruminate about a topic I can solve a problem. When I believe I solved the problem a bit of dopamine is released giving me temporary pleasure. This then just causes me to repeat the worry with the hope of receiving another dose of relief. The cycle never really stops for someone with OCD. And the person with OCD Doesn't even see the problem because doing the ritual/worry/washing is so powerful to go without it is torture. If you actually become wise to your rituals and try to stop the you literally will go through painful withdrawals. By avoiding your ritual you are taking the pacifier or blanket away from the baby leaving you, and your brain, trying to cope without being comforted. What sucks is you can turn just about anything into a ritual so that is why I have a therapist to keep encouraging me and keep on the best path. Hope this helps some. It was a bit long winded.... Oops see... backwards apologizing is me trying to avoid painful judgements from others and give me a safe place... that darn brain😠

[Catrib]

Hey Babe. I've been suffering for way more than you've been alive. Don't fret if it's just a phase your going thru. It will pass. Just get out there and LIVE. That's all you need to do.

[Catrib in reply to Catrib]

Why did my message get cut off

[kindlet1]

Hey David, WE are not alone! I have been having heart attack anxiety attacks in my sleep since I found my children's father, ex husband, dead of a heart attack. One of my daughters was with me that night... I was already suffering from depression and anxiety which was all consuming and I now have PTSD. It's horrifying, I am so sorry because I know your pain

[kindlet1 in reply to kindlet1]

Btw, my daughter was out on meds, and my meds appointment is in a few weeks. Please, don't be afraid to get professional help. You are worth so much to someone, and more than likely many, so hug yourself! You are brave enough to talk about it, and that's HUGE!

[menagerie11]

I have the same problem. The fear of dying is with me so much of the time. I have to repeatedly tell myself that I am okay - which I am, physically. I am on meds., seeing a psychologist and psychotherapist. I do calm breathing exercises, listen to calming music, try positive visualization, and try to do normal things as much as possible, despite the fear. And I pray. I went through this a couple of times before and when I got on with my life, the fear eventually disappeared. So, based on past experience, it's a matter of living your life. I started small, by pulling a few weeds out of the garden. I am doing things and have even gone back to work part-time, despite the fear. Can you see a psychologist who specializes in this? I am seeing one and it is helping, although it is still hard. Also, there are some resources on the web about overcoming this fear. You are certainly not the only one with this fear. I sincerely hope that you can find some help in addition to this forum! Blessings to you.

[reinagrace]

Hi. I have similar obsessive thoughts but in a slightly different way- i constantly worry about growing old alone, actually ended up hospitalized last year from panic attacks from this fear. I didn't really have family growing up (abandoned by parents-long story- i have some PTSD also) then , in adulthood my prayers for husband didn't get answered, and now in mid-40's all i can think of is what will happen when i grow old and sick, will i end up a homeless demented bag lady etc etc bc who is there to look out for me - no one. i'm all alone which , loneliness breeds a lot of fears. another bad night, i finally just took a pill bc it is almost 8 a.m. and still haven't slept a wink. a pill is my last resort i always try to sleep naturally first, but if by 7 a.m. i haven't slept yet, then i finally reach for my benzio. are you on any medication? I do better on days when i hang out with friends, have dinner with people rather than alone in my apt. so that's why i've been looking into getting into assisted living. For me the worst of it comes from being alone so trying to get into situation where that's not the case. When i put a plan in place - found assisted living places and learned of medicaid vouchers so i can be able to afford living there one day- that calmed me down after my hospitalization. sad that it's all i have to look forward to- that one day when i'm old enough i'll go to assisted living-- but at least it's a plan that calmed my homeless sick bag lady fears. i got worked up again bc i found out Trump may be making many Medicaid cuts which, if my plan goes out the window i'm back to square one.I couldn't afford to private pay at those places, and if in my 40's i'm already struggling this much functioning alone, i won't be able to at all in a couple decades. that's all i can think of- what it will be like growing old and sickly all alone with no family whatsoever and it just terrifies me. sorry for rambling- i guess my point is- can you pinpoint the root of why you're going through this? I hope you are able to get a grip on it thru friends who are compassionate, or a good therapist or medication. For me , distractions, comedies, and breathing, praying, CBT techniques etc are helpful to an extent if my anxiety depression is at a level 6, 7 or below. But when i am level 8 to 10 (this is on scale of 1 to 10), truly nothing helps except another human , a friend to be with me. I am thankful for all who write here and offer support but also wish for someone to talk to like on phone. I pray daily for everyone struggling here , that all of us can have relief from this anxiety. Blessings

[menagerie11 in reply to reinagrace]

I've met quite a few people with anxiety and depression in the past few months and many of them live alone. I've often thought that it would be a real blessing if people could get together and live in a shared housing arrangement so that there are people around who understand and could help each other out. In the meantime, is there a support phone line that you could call when you need to talk to someone, or a community mental health centre? Peer support centres are great; there are people there who have or are going through similar situations and they are there to offer encouragement and support. They often have telephone support lines. Perhaps there are some of these in your area? Hoping so....Blessings upon you.

[reinagrace in reply to menagerie11]

Hi thank you for your kind words. There is a crisis line i have called at times when I'm panicking middle of the night. I will research if there is such a thing as peer support center around here. I'm seriously considering moving to Colorado bc they have a lot more help for mental illness than here in Texas. I've talked to assisted living places that do accept people with depression /anxiety ,which is covered under their Medicaid assisted living plan, whereas here in TX the Medicaid doesn't cover assisted living for mental illness- only physical disabilities. (I am on disability for my anxiety and depression bc these make me non-functional) . Also the places in Colorado will accept younger people meaning i wouldn't have to wait till i'm in my 60's like TX. Still it's a major decision and a huge effort to move, for someone like me who is in a bit of emotional paralysis right now. I'm praying to make right decision. i don't know anyone in Colorado. There's been people on here i've offered my phone # to, but i guess it's a matter of finding the right chemistry and someone who is also looking to talk,as i know a lot of people find good comfort just in posting/writing here. Many Blessings to you too !

[CaptainCrunch in reply to reinagrace]

Sorry you are alone and struggling. I really wish there was better community support and awareness. I went to several large churches in my area and some would have a counselor on staff but there were no support groups. The closest one I did find is a 45 minute drive and after work I don't really feel like going. I have thought of finding an AA group even though I don't drink but I imagine they are facing some of the same challenges.

[reinagrace in reply to CaptainCrunch]

Thank you for empathizing. I am part of a mental illness support group but it only meets once a month at noon and I can't make that time with my insomnia. I've gone to it on occasion. The thing is I don't necessarily even need to talk about my struggles, if only i have company. i hate living alone- this is a symptom of my other diagnosis- Borderline Personality Disorder. i encounter a lot of people with depression/anxiety only, that don't seem to need company. i guess it's my additional diagnoses that complicate it. I hate having dinner alone in my apt every night and obviously that wouldn't be the case in assisted living. I make dinner plans with friends, but with everyone being busy with their own family , etc., i can't count on that as a regular thing. And when i'm overwhelmed with anxiety and depression, it's a lot of effort to make calls , plan to meet and go out, etc. but in the times when i can have an evening with others, a game night or any fun get-together, watch a funny movie, whatever--that's enough to feel better--often i feel worse when i attend support groups like AA. there is one i go to sometimes called Celebrate Recovery- same 12 steps as AA but Christian based. it kept triggering me to have depression episodes, bc the questions they asked,would make everyone reflect on some aspect of their past-part of the "digging deep" process, and i just want to forget the past, it wasn't pleasant having to recall childhood memories there during the group sharing time. and it's like pulling teeth, to hang out with people from there or my mental illness support group. They, more than "regular people" are harder to make plans with, I guess bc they're busy dealing with their struggles, which i understand, or too depressed/anxious- but as i stated- i'm opposite - i need company to feel better. but then again most everyone there has someone to come home to- if not a spouse, then a child or relative or something- so they don't understand my loneliness. One time, the mere presence of the Time Warner tech coming to my apt to fix my cable problem, was enough to calm me down from an impending panic attack .obviously we didn't even talk about anything except my TV problem. i literally am so lonely that the mere presence of a human can calm down my panic. I just don't understand God's thinking in all this, my begging for decades just for home/family, to have someone to come home to and not live alone anymore yet, He still keeps me alone. but i don't lose faith, I go to Mass as often as possible ,and offer it up as my Cross that i share with all of you here. Blessings

[CaptainCrunch in reply to menagerie11]

I think community support is a great idea. Mental illness isn't like physical aliments because they are unseen.

[CaptainCrunch in reply to CaptainCrunch]

Reinagrace, I am sorry you are going though this. My brother is a lot like me but he is in his mid 40's and alone as well. We talk nearly everyday over the phone because he doesn't live near me. It is a really hard place to be at, being alone. I don't know how you guys do it. I am married with 3 kids. Tragically my wife confessed to being unfaithful in our marriage for the past 9 of the 20 years. Of our marriage. I of course was completely devastated and broken hearted. We are reconciling but it has been tough and put me in this latest stage of depression.

I don't know why the Lord puts us on these paths. However I have discovered a lot about myself over the past year. I really idolized a certain type of life style which has now been taken from me. I also was an intense worrier and needed control To feel safe. I also never asked for help or showed my vulnerability because I was scared of others judging me. I had to be perfect at all that I did else I was a complete failure. I had a lot of self hatred and still do but now I recognize it.

In the past 6 months I have had to really catch all these negative thoughts and work hard to just let them go. I have also been learning to stand up for myself and not worry what others will think. In other words I have been having to face a lot of very uncomfortable situations and having to sit with them rather than shying away to a place more comfortable.

Now I fail at this pretty regularly but I recognize what I am doing and I have pushed through and have had some success. One my wife and I have never been closer. My parents and I have never been closer along with my brother. My heart and empathy for others has never been greater. My ability to forgive and see people differently and have patience for them is greater. I have also become brutally transparent with my kids. Wanting them to learn from our mistakes and not to be afraid of pain and sacrifice because it is part of life. But they can learn to have peace through it. And recognize everyone is different and has their own struggle and we need to have grace and mercy and patience for them.

Now please understand everyday is a struggle and some days are a real battle. The only thing that has changed is my perspective. I still have anxiety, depression and OCD. I am just learning to see thing differently.

I know you have a great purpose. I am glad you are here posting and sharing you life and your problems. It is a horrible challenge you are facing and I am hear to listen for as long as it takes. Because I need people too.

[menagerie11]

Hi reinagrace. I hope you find a peer support group, and keep using the crisis line when you need to. It certainly would be a big move to go to Colorado, but it sounds like it might be a viable option if they have assisted living places that accept people with depression and anxiety - especially if they accept younger people. I don't know about other people, but when I am anxious I find it hard to talk on the phone and easier to post or write. When I am really anxious, I can't even talk to my husband. I just sit and hold his hand. I wasn't always like this....and hope that eventually, things will improve - for both you and me!! I pray that you find the right answer to the moving question. On another note, I've had an anxious day and am listening to calming music and taking deep breaths as I write. I hope you have a good day today.

[RawRaw]

Wish I can help. But actually I feel the same, I always think about death , to be accurate, I think about suicide a lot. I need help too😀

[Hidden]

Hello! I'm 32 and it sounds like maybe you are having a mid-life crisis? Maybe Google it and find some tips? Also, if you do not have a Spiritual belief system, find one. Any one that gives you hope and helps your fear of death. I believe in the New Age and reincarnation and have a very strong belief in the afterlife. I was raised in Ritual Cult Abuse and told I was going to hell since I was 7 years old. I had to watch scary movies about HIV/Aids and the Endtimes, being told that the antichrist is coming to chop my head off anyday. I was taught about hellfire and damnation. When I was 18, I escaped the cult and ALL of it's negativity and DARKNESS. This is what led me to the New Age; I found LIGHT and HOPE in it INSTEAD of death and darkness. I recommend this belief system for you. Maybe you can find the Light I have found! There are no wrong or right ways. Just find a Spiritual path that gives you HOPE. If you would like to more about what I believe just pm me! By the way, YOLO is crap!! LOL.