I feel like a mess today. Yesterday after church I just got in my car and began bawling - not even sure why. Part of it was that it was crowded so I waved over a couple that I used to work with. She asked how I was (I got let go a few months ago) and I feel like I just lied through my teeth "fine" - I saw a few others too but no one stopped to talk to me. I cried for an hour just thinking - who the hell really cares about stupid me and my problems. everyday - I say the same thing - I'll clean up this house - and never do.
I'm a former self-injurer and all I want to do is either hurt myself to feel numb or go further than that. we were going around in a circle sharing our needs at my church's home groups and I sort of snuck out of being called on. So they prayed for everyone but me. That was okay - but I wish I would have said something.