I've been dealing with anxiety and what I think may be minor depression for a couple of years now and it's gotten to the point where I think I may need help but I'm not sure. I often go weeks or even months without anything serious happening, I get small bouts of social anxiety where I need to get away from people or I start getting panicked and jittery and irritable but nothing worrying. But then, I'll have a more serious episode where it gets quite scary. Not long ago, I was in class when I just started getting really panicked, my breathing was shallow and I couldn't sit still. I got really paranoid everyone was looking at me and laughing and I kept glancing at the clock hoping class would end so I could run home. In the end, I left class half an hour early because I couldn't take it and I spent the next few hours in bed, listening to music so I could calm down.
Other times though, it's not panic that scares me. I get really empty and all my feelings start to disappear until they're almost gone. I get an almost painful feeling in my stomach like a black hole has appeared and it's trying to suck me in. I don't know what triggers it but it lasts for hours and then leaves me feeling really drained and mentally exhausted because I spend so long just trying to feel something.
I've only really had one major episode, after my exams last year. I couldn't go to school and just lay in bed for 8 days, barely eating and just sleeping but I think that was just exam stress.
These things feel like they should be concerning but they come, stay for a few hours, maybe a day and then disappear. I can go for ages without feeling them (maybe a little here and there but nothing I'd say was unwarranted, just more of them than I should feel). When I'm not feeling them I feel so good that I can't imagine why I was upset in the first place, it seems ridiculous but when I do feel them I'm disgusted with myself and can't imagine why I'd ever been happy at all.
Do you think it's a problem? Should I seek help? I'm sorry this post is so long but I wanted to express myself properly. I can't tell if I'm experiencing these things because I'm not dealing with stress properly (I'm in my final year of secondary school so exams are coming up) and I have bad coping mechanisms or if I've got something else making me feel this way for no reason.
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Stranger1276
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Hi, you sound really level headed. We are all capable of experiencing many emotions, not just one. We can be excited about going somewhere, angry with someone nasty, frightened by a scary movie, moved by a sad story, frustrated in a long queue, happy to see a friend, nervous about a presentation, anxious about exams etc...
These are all normal. If you think three dimensionally
instead of one or even two dimensionally, then you will see that all of our thoughts and feelings, our expressions and our actions make us the unique individuals we are.
We aren't flat like a drawing. When you feel something, try not to overthink, your mood may be a normal response to a particular situation or event.
If you do think that you are not coping, do seek advice of course.
Thank you for replying and for putting it so simply. It can be quite difficult to sort out my thoughts because there's so many all at once. Do you have any thoughts on why I get like that? The biggest concern for me is the way an episode (if that's the right word for it) comes on out of nowhere. Sometimes they come right after I've had a really positive experience. For example, the worst epsiode of the empty feeling I described happened after I talked to someone my mum was dating. It was the 3rd of 4th time we'd met and we had gotten on really well but right after I started feeling empty.
You sound to me as if you are someone who is quite a deep thinker and that will help in lots of aspects of life, your career for example if you get the right one for you.
I am sure you will go far.
However deep thinking can lead to over thinking which in turn can lead to worry and anxiety. I know because it is what I do at times.
I do think you should seek help in the form of therapy, not because I think you have an anxiety or depressive disorder, I don't think you have, but because it should be a bit of an insurance policy to help prevent you getting one in the future if or when you do hit major stresses in life.
Exams are very stressful in themselves and it could be this proves to be one of the more stressful periods of your life, so it is not at all surprising you are stressed about them. Making friends and social contact is also very stressful, particularly at your age and almost everyone feels like you even if they don't show it.
So by and large what you are going through is normal, but over worrying could cause you problems and it is as well to learn some tools and coping mechanisms which therapy can give you.
CBT could be very helpful to help prevent you over worrying and over focussing on problems or symptoms. Counselling could be helpful also if you have had anything in your past which could have triggered your anxiety and episodes of thinking you are unable to feel things.
There may be a waiting list for therapy, but it will be worth perhaps going to talk it through with your doctor and putting yourself on the list. Do you have anyone close such as your parents you could talk it through with and who could support you if you do decide to go to your doctor? You can ofcourse go on your own if you prefer. Talking it through with parents or others you are close to could be very helpful however.
By saying therapy could be useful for you, that does not mean I think you have a problem, most of us need therapy from time to time but it is not always easy to get. I have an anxiety disorder which started 2 years ago and from which I am now almost fully recovered. I have not been able to get therapy for various reasons but managed to help myself to get better with the support of medication. Medication is not an easy cure all by the way as it usually makes you alot worse before you get better. On the whole it only tends to be needed if you do have an anxiety disorder or full blown depression, but your doctor would advise you.
I knew fairly soon after it started that it was an anxiety disorder in my case because the symptoms I had were severe and continuos. They included feeling really ill all the time, heart pounding constantly for no reason, loss of appetite, I lost 2 stone in 2 months, very dizzy, very scared all the time, scared of everything, including things that gave me pleasure before. This went on with no let up. That is a very clear cut situation and I think, from what you describe, you have not got that. It is however always worth getting help to reduce anxiety and periods of feeling very low when it is troubling you and causing difficulty in your life.
If you decide not to go for therapy or it is not available to you, it is possible to help yourself alot by trying really hard to not focus on the feelings or symptoms that are scaring you. For example the feeling that you can no longer feel things and that you have a black hole trying to suck you in. That could be a bit of depression or anxiety and the more you think about it and worry about it the more you are likely to get it. It may link to something in your past and get triggered at times, but it will still be better not to focus on it unless with a therapist.
It is a good coping mechanism to calm down and listen to music on your bed for a few hours when you have had a stressful experience. However try really hard to make yourself get up and do things everyday, however bad you are feeling and make sure you eat even if is only snacks and unhealthy food for a few days. If you lie in bed and do not eat it will definitely make you feel worse. If you feel you really do need to lie in bed for longer, use the time to listen to music or read or whatever works for you and see it as a time you are chilling out and enjoying yourself not thinking how down or rubbish you are.
You are a great person who has a great future ahead of them.
When in school, try not to care about what others are thinking about you even if they do seem to be looking at you etc, just focus on the subject you are learning about and ignore them. If however you do need to walk out of class, that is fine, we all feel like that sometimes, you will be back in the next day or lesson etc, so do not give yourself a hard time about it you have in now way failed.
All of this is much easier said than done, I do understand that.
I think you are doing great, so give yourself a break.
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