Life suck

[Ldj4534]

Life suck

[CaptainCrunch]

I hate you are feeling so low. Life is horribly challenging at times. Would you feel up to sharing any details?

[Ldj4534 in reply to CaptainCrunch]

I'm tired of reaching out to people for help and everybody push me away. Ppl only use me for my talents n then when I need somebody everybody disappears.

[CaptainCrunch in reply to Ldj4534]

Yes. True friends or a real friend is hard to find. Lucky I have a brother that gets me some of the time that I can talk to. However my wife as hard as she tries doesn't understand. People at work, my folks and even thoughs at a church we have attended for years don't seem to want to get their hands dirty with people's problems. It feels very hopeless at times. Sorry you may be feeling the same way. But you are not alone in the way you feel.

[Ldj4534 in reply to CaptainCrunch]

Well my sisters etc don't talk to me so....

[Ldj4534 in reply to CaptainCrunch]

And I don't have anybody else to go to

[CaptainCrunch in reply to Ldj4534]

Well I hate to hear that. I have OCD which causes me to have anxiety attacks and depression. Are you struggling with the same kind of junk. I also been going to a therapist and take medication. What if I may ask are you struggling with?

[Ldj4534 in reply to CaptainCrunch]

The same. I have really bad anxiety but I haven't seen a dr or anything. Suicidal thoughts often. Depressed all the time.

[CaptainCrunch in reply to Ldj4534]

When I feel depressed even breathing feels hard. Therapy has helped a lot as well as taking some medication. But I know others who have gone without. I just came out of a horrific episode that lasted three months and was quite debilitating. It was a slow process. And as you mentioned yourself it feels lonely, isolating and like no one understands. Learning to be gracious and kind to myself is one thing. I don't do it well and it is a new concept but taking time to look for thing I like and enjoy are important. And most of these are just small things like having a cup of coffee. Doing one of those coloring books. I have been buying legos to put together. Taking walks. And I enjoy surfing Pinterest and watching reruns of old shows I grew up watching. Unfortunately there is no quick cure but I am learning more tools to help me manage my day. Are there any things you enjoy no matter how small?

[Ldj4534 in reply to CaptainCrunch]

I like painting and drawing.

[Joam in reply to Ldj4534]

Art is really good for anxiety and depression for me. I get my bluetooth headphones on and put on some background music and get out of my body so to speak. It really helps and before you know it you are calmer, have created something and have passed the time instead of doing television or thinking too much.

[Ldj4534 in reply to CaptainCrunch]

Shopping

[Stevedan in reply to Ldj4534]

Check out MATTERS. It lets you text with couselors. They got me through some dark times. In fact they refered me here as sort of group therapy. Suicidal thoughts can lead to action trust me i know. Please just hang in there and don't let those thoughts take over. We're all here for each other to talk or just vent. You're not alone.

[CaptainCrunch]

I am an artist too. I've been blessed to be able to do art for a living. Still yet it doesn't keep me from worrying and then letting all that worry turn into depression. Ugh. It sucks. My personal belief is people that enjoy the art feel deeper than those that don't and then have a more creative mind which imagines bleak or distressful senerios. Kind of a blessing and a curse.

I definitely agree with Lilaclil that you can't be happy 24/7. In fact there are times we should feel grief. But I do believe in time you can find peace and inner joy even in the midst of some terrible storms. I found doing just small daily things help. Short walks, a cup of something hot, I working on a color page, I started playing a voxel game where I build things, watch a funny show and avoid the news and horror movie which I used to love.

Basically a laundry list of thing I enjoy so when I catch myself start fretting I pause and try refocusing on something I am thankful for.

Sorry you are going through this but know you are not alone. And I know I still haven't arrived. I just had a really rough day and will still have them to come. But my bad days don't last as long as they use to. So there is hope.

[Ldj4534 in reply to CaptainCrunch]

I do all those things.... but the depression hits mostly at night when I try to go to sleep.

[Hidden in reply to CaptainCrunch]

I posted last week I was in a really bad depression that lasted about five days until I saw a slight ray of light and a very slight lifting of my heart dark feelings only because I was forced to help my son and his wife watch their children for the weekend I had to get out of bed I had to wake up early and drive them and Feed them and change the baby's diaper because my son and daughter-in-law were away on vacation forcing myself to do that maybe let me forget how depressed I was but it was also physically and mentally exhausting I'm home in my house now and I just started crying and crying i'm feeling the depression and coming back and I just want it to go away I am one of those people who have suffered for 20 years on and off with random attacks of depression and then months and months of feeling perfect and wonderful . some episode triggers me usually stress is a big factor in my life I have an elderly mother that I help drive her to appts, be there for her, shes 91 and the epitomy of someone who always looks on the bright side of life. shes my rock, i also lovingly and with a full heart help my kids to take care of my grandchildren . I am trying to learn to say no to people take better care of my health I just want to be everything for everyone otherwise I feel like my life has no purpose I feel that way anyway because one day runs into the next day and the next day and the next day and what is the purpose that I am on this planet ???

[CaptainCrunch in reply to Hidden]

I am so sorry you feel this way. Please hang in there. Just breathing and staying alive is an accomplishment in a world so full of challenges. Please don't be hard on yourself or feel you could be more. You just being alive is important to your family and doing so make you a success even though you may not feel like it.

[Ldj4534 in reply to CaptainCrunch]

But what if it's not important to your family??? I don't talk to or even hear from my family for weeks maybe even months at a time. If I were to die, they wouldn't even know bc they don't ever even check to see if I'm ok

[CaptainCrunch in reply to Hidden]

I am glad to see you here posting and sharing. I read some of your story and it sounds like you are doing all the right things. I guess the one question I do have is... has it been hard to find supportive people. I just came across this site this Sunday and it truly is a miracle. I have people around that are kind and do love me but they don't seem to understand making me feel very small and pointless. Here at this forum i see others struggling the same as me and in some way that has helped. I don't feel so alone in the world... again thanks for posting and please keep us up to date with just how you are feeling.

[Ldj4534 in reply to CaptainCrunch]

No. I don't have any supportive people. Everybody I cross pretty much get what they can get from me and then they disappear.

[CaptainCrunch]

Ldj... thanks for reaching out and asking. Sadly family can be a really big disappointment. I mentioned my brother and I are close. But we only became close after his wife left him. He deals with anxiety and depression as well but he never needed me or would talk to me prior to that. My folks think what I am going through is all up in my head and if I would just blah, blah, blah... then I would be better.

Truth is we can love our families but until they experience what you are feeling they may not even have the empathy or capacity to understand, but there are still plenty of people out there that do.

Since this Sunday I have had some pretty down days. Just the fact I know you struggle too helps me to know I am not alone. Thanks for your post.