Life

[radikal1010]

So I'm medication resistant .. and I have been off work 2 months .. I need to go back so I don't loose my medical benefits . And honestly miss work .. however not the stress or the people . How do I protect myself from not getting fired when I go back to work and suffer a melt down ? They don't happen all the time . But I am afraid of loosing my job .. I already had one incident .. but they see this as aggression and not as anxiety and sometimes I cannot control this! It's not the work itself .. and my psychologist says I am highly sensitive and emotional .. I scored high in depression anxiety .. I'm new to working with my issues .. I just want to work but also be protected .. just in case ! I need the work for mind. Anyone have any help full tools I can think about and try to incorporate in my daily life ? My life has also fallen apart .. but I can't let work go logically .. idk

[Julianacita]

Hi. I am sorry to hear you are feeling so low. I too experience anxiety outbursts that appear aggressive to others. When I am struggling with Anxiety, I have to be very careful or I make it worse. I think it can help to talk to people and explain how anxiety can manifest itself and how it can make you act. I also know that not everyone is open to fully understanding. Exercise helps if I can muster the energy to run or walk. Just getting outside (with my dogs) everyday seems to help me a little.

[dee_bells]

Hi radikal1010, I was you about 10 years ago. I would slam drawers and say the nastiest things things.

I would also cry at my desk.

Can you do breathing exercises at work? Slow breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth? Or maybe doodle (basically coloring) to distract you from anxiety? Or can you take a break and look outside and focus on nature? Be creative--why is that bird flying that way, does he have somewhere to go. Or write your feelings down. I did that but it made me cry more but focus on distraction. I hope I'm understanding and I hope you feel better. ❤️

[ElleM7777]

I'm glad you reached out. I did the same thing myself today, because I need help. I got back into therapy. The most important thing you can do is contact your HR department and make them aware of your conditions. If you need accommodations, ask for them. That means more time off and you KEEP your benefits. You are entitled to FMLA if you need it. You may not be paid, which could be a problem. However, if acting out is an issue at work, you may need to not work for longer to get yourself stabilized.

I understand. I have ADHD, bi-polar, and low blood sugar. I currently work one day a week because of my outbursts. I cannot control mine either! I don't know why, if it's because of either of my illnesses, or my sugar. It doesn't matter when you are being a bit-- to your customers or your boss. It is really embarrassing when I realize what I've done. When I'm doing it, I'm very angry. Afterward, I am embarrassed and ashamed, and I cry. At work! I've been trying to figure this out myself. Haven't been able to.

I wish you luck. I know it's really difficult. Please understand that this is NOT your fault. Our brains are structured differently. Just like someone who has diabetes, or cancer, we need medication to help us. We are just as human as everyone else. It is everyone else who judges us. Shame on THEM.

[radikal1010 in reply to ElleM7777]

U know I just really want my life back .. this has been the last 3 to 4 years .. I stopped driving freeways .. I have cut off just about everyone I know .. almost loosing my job ... It feels frustrating not to be able to handle or deal with things normally .. .ahh .. I need support people ..lol that's why I'm here ..I feel.like no one understands sometimes ..

[Hidden in reply to radikal1010]

I lost my job and was on disability, I’m still working through my issues and not yet able to work. Wish I could tell you a simple easy answer. Put your recovery first, if you can move home with family and not work do that, go on state medical insurance if needed.

[ElleM7777 in reply to radikal1010]

WE understand you! We have all been where you are. Some of us are right now! I had a great job, making good money, that was 12 years ago. Went back to college, have one class to finish my 2nd bachelor's degree, don't have the money, ran out of aid. Not ill enough for disability, even when I was, I couldn't do it. The lawyer I spoke with told me about the questions they ask you, no way, none of their business. I could live on my financial aid, thanks.

I do better when I'm working. I want more hours, can't get them! I live with my parents, will be 50 this year. Working ONE day a week, lucky to keep that job. Got a 2nd job, blew that one, got in an argument with a really nasty lady. Yes, I was nasty, too, but when are OTHER people going to take responsibility for THEIR behavior? I guess it's always OUR fault because we have brains that are wired differently? Personally, I LIKE the way my brain is wired! I'm pretty smart. Ok, I'll quit bitching.

Please DON'T lose your job! Do everything you can to hang on. Working gets you out of the house and keeps you feeling a little normal. It also keeps you in contact with some people you know. The feeling that you want to withdraw from everyone is very normal with depression, but it isn't healthy for you, you know that (I'm a hypocrite here, since I'm a hermit and an introvert). I know sometimes you have to force yourself to get out, even to go to work, but I hope when you get there you feel better? The few times that I didn't feel better I stood outside the door and gathered myself before I walked in and TOLD myself I was going to feel better. I acted like I did, and it started working, eventually. Sometimes when I feel like crying I do the same thing. I tell myself I can't right now, I'm going to work. I'll save my emotions for later. If I still feel bad later, I will deal with it then. It has taken me YEARS to learn how to do that, but it works for me. BTW, I work in retail, so I really have to be over the top nice to people. 😀😋😇😈

Are there any depression and/or anxiety groups you can join in your area? Easter Seals has a really good program with peer support counselors who have been through dealing with mental health challenges. NAMI or AADA may also good resources. Group counseling sounds strange, but it is a lot like what we are doing here. You talk, and people support each other.

If you are feeling really bad, but not bad enough for in-patient care, you may qualify for partial-day therapy. I went through a program after an in-patient stint that was really beneficial. I believe you have to commit to 2 weeks, and it is really intensive. It is usually 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Monday through Friday. There is Individual therapy, group therapy, art therapy. There are a lot of group classes on relapse, wellness, triggers, etc. I really liked it.

The best thing you can do, which you may already be doing, is be an advocate for yourself. Research, lots of it. If you are feeling overwhelmed, ask a friend or family member to help you with it. There are a TON of resources available out there on the internet, like this one, and LOTS of information about treating depression and anxiety. I wish I knew more about homeopathic remedies, I would share that with you. My experience is therapy and drugs. CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is amazing, it has really helped me. It is hard work, but if you learn it and stick with it, your mind will change.

[Hidden]

Can you go on disability in your state?

[radikal1010 in reply to Hidden]

Yes im on it now ..

[Hidden in reply to radikal1010]

In California there is state disability that can last up to 52 weeks, can you go on a long term disability? Also just FYI I’ve heard that ketamine is now being used for treatment resistant depression...

[dee_bells in reply to radikal1010]

Are you able to get Medicaid? At some point won't you be eligible for Medicare? It's sad that besides being ill you have to worry about healthcare. Take care of you first.

[Nlc72]

Could you explain what medication resistant means?

[radikal1010 in reply to Nlc72]

Haha that's what my primary dr. Called me today .. I can't do pills .. I am trying magnesium and looking into more homepathic remedies ..

[ElleM7777 in reply to Nlc72]

Medication resistant means the person is not responding to "approved" medication. That is when docs start trying off-label meds. Actually, I was initially prescribed an off-label med, Topamax, for bi-polar. Manufacturers provide a list of specific diseases which may be treated with medications they create. Any medication that is prescribed for a disease that is NOT on that manufacturer's list is called an off-label med. For example, Topamax is used for epileptic seizures and migraines. However, somehow, doctors discovered that anticovulsants worked well as mood stabilzers for those with bi-polar, with less side effects than Lithium.

(sorry so much info - ADHD brain - fascinated by this stuff, get hyperfocused, lol)