Feeling alone

[Mfgha6843]

I have had anxiety since I was little, issues with my childhood, and I used to depend a lot on my husband to manage my panic attacks and general anxiety. Lately things have come to a head and it's really caused a huge issue in my relationship. I am finally seeing a counselor and making progress but there is still a lot of distance between me and my husband making me feel very alone. Things are very slowly getting better but I feel so terrible and desperate for love and attention.

[blackcat64013]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

It is good that you are having talk therapy. I have found it very beneficial. I have to say therapy is no quick fix, often requiring 12 - 20 sessions.

Sometimes it helps if you have couples therapy to talk about the relationship between two people. Have you suggested this to your husband?

I wonder if you have thought about goals for your therapy. For instance one might be how to start a conversation about topic x that is bothering you?

For unconditional love and attention, have you considered a companion animal such as dog or cat?

Wishing you every success in your therapy.

[Mfgha6843 in reply to blackcat64013]

We have talked about it and he said that I need to make some good progress by myself before we can address our issues together, which I understand. It's just hard to wait and be patient because obviously I want things to be okay quickly and that's just not realistic. I know that my anxiety has taken a real toll on him and I need to realize that he does need a break because he's been my emotional support for everything for so long. I just always jump to the worst conclusion and it's easy to focus on the negative instead of the progress I'm making and the good things.

[Bulliedinlife1981]

You should talk to your partner not only about how your feeling but he is feeling as well , maybe even get him some counseling. For me Being diagnosed with major depression has been a roll coaster ride , and well it's my life and it takes a toll on me just haveing to deal with my issues , so I'm sure while your husband has stood by And supported and loved you it probably has had an effect on him as well , and he might do well with talking to some one about how he is feeling.

[Mfgha6843 in reply to Bulliedinlife1981]

He has been so amazing at supporting me, even during this time he's listened to me talk about my counseling and comforted me a little bit. I know the point of my counseling is to gain coping skills that will help me truly deal with what causes my anxiety so I don't have to go to him for any little thing. I have gotten used to using him as a way to determine how I'm feeling instead of taking control of my own emotions. I know this has taken a toll on him and we have discussed couples counseling eventually, when he feels like I have made some good progress individually. I have told him too if he wanted to see someone by himself he should do that too.

[Joam]

I know with my wife it has been hard to explain to her how I am feeling because those that dont have the problems dont really understand them. At first she was just think positive thoughts or its all in your mind and you can fix that. Well it isnt that easy and I have slowly gotten her to realize that it isnt a quick fix and it is brought on by anything. I cant just turn the switch off and be better. She has come to understand this and is much more knowledgeable about mental behavior. SHe is now my "nurse" and helps me every day and understands. It gets better with knowledge and understanding.

[Mfgha6843 in reply to Joam]

My husband does understand better now I think but I know it's hard for him because I've put so much on him. I don't want him to have to "handle" and manage my emotions. I know I need to take control myself but also know he will be there when I really need him. Understanding definitely helps though.