In need of some empathy

I'm having a really hard time right now. The past few months have been filled with emotional ups and downs. About 2 months ago I was sexually assaulted and of course it was very traumatizing and it just so happened to occur 2 days prior to the first death anniversary of my grandmother who raised me. A month later I graduated college and also received an offer to work in Paris, France! That really helped me feel better because it gave me something to look forward to and it was kind of a "getaway" for me; a clean start. But on Thursday the job in France contacted me saying that there's an issue with me getting a visa so now moving to France is out of the question and I'm completely devastated. It makes me go back to the assault in my mind because I start questioning my worth (the rape really made me feel worthless and every time I get that feeling again it brings bad memories of the assault). I'm trying so hard to stay positive but I keep having very negative thoughts. I just really need some encouragement and love right now but I can't find it anywhere. Zz

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  • Hi I emphasise with that coz I was sexually assaulted many years ago by a man who broke into my flat and threated me with a big knife. I remember every moment as though it was yesterday, and for about a year I carried a small knife when out and about and put it under my pillow at night. I contacted the police have you? They never traced him though which made me feel even less secure.

    I don't know what country you are in but in the UK there are rape crisis centres which you can ring and I presume there is something like that where you are. Do what you can to make yourself feel safe but don't let him win. It wasn't your fault and never is so please don't beat yourself up over it.

    I managed to cope with mine without counselling but it may be an option for you so if it is a problem coming to terms with it seek help. Take care. xxx

  • I get it. Not about having a great job offer in France, but the rest of it sounds eerily familiar. Unless the rape is worked through it will most likely rear its ugly head every time you begin doubting yourself or struggling.

    I think anyone who was looking forward to start over (who isn't?) and had it nixed would be full of self doubt.

    What would your grandmother's wise words be to you?

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