Sleep

My goal today is to sleep. I can't take the thinking anymore, the depression, the anxiety, it's just driving me crazy. I don't know what is coming from where. I can't stand myself. And the pain. My strength is just diminishing and I feel so weak. Took lorazepam and am hoping it calms my head and I can sleep because I feel under attack. I don't know what's going on. I am trying my best but it's like I'm drowning. And to watch it happen to myself, I just feel that I am going to start freaking out which I know will not help. So angry and frustrated and feel defeated that this is just consuming me. Really hoping for help at doctors appt Monday, I feel crushed.

[Hidden]

Hang on in there, I'm sure the doctor will be able to offer you some support on Monday. Until then lots of self care and rest.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I'm trying to get through the weekend. It's just so painful. I am barely functioning. I can't take care of my dog which is killing me because he's like my baby and I know he's feeling it. He's had anxiety every night which is a new thing. Thankfully at my mom's so they can help me with the dog but it's just like I have had enough. I need me back. And I truly don't know when that's going to happen. I have tried to be accepting of this, let it pass, detach myself and realize it's not my identity, all the things I know to try to buffer it somehow. But truth be told, it's getting to me. Bad. And I need some relief. My thoughts are so contradictory in my head. It doesn't make sense. And it's just terrifying.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Sounds tough. I went through that last year and it did seem to take ages to get better. I felt like things were never going to change that I would never get the old me back but eventually I did. I got the right meds, and had support from the crisis team and eventually decided I wanted to live and get my old life back. I'm still in that process but I am glad I managed to keep going. You will get there too. I know it's awful when you are going through it but it will pass. You will get back to being yourself again. Let everyone help you, especially your dog - pets know when something is up which is possibly why he's acting anxious. Stay strong x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Sarah. All things I needed to hear. It's like I know it in my head but the depression and anxiety are so strong, that they are overriding anything that's me. Appreciate your response. Hoping for better news soon and hope you continue to excel in your wellness. I know that freeing feeling, it's the best. I'm in mental prison right now and it sucks! Hope to be let out soon because my brain is not cut out for prison! Its brutal.

[Kobojunkie]

Sad to see someone spend their weekend this way.

Are you on treatment for the depression and anxiety? If yes, why are you still struggling with these symptoms? Have you at least worked out the emotional symptoms -- low self-esteem, shame, guilt/unforgiveness, low self-worth, fears?

If not, rather than sleep why not write it all down and start fighting them by speaking truth against those silly negatives in your head. Spend the day crying if you have to but it is better than sleeping the day away only to have to wake up to the same later on.

I would also suggest that rather than wait for your psychiatrist, walk straight into his office and demand that you see him and have him do something about the hell you are having to deal with. That's what I do when I used to struggle, I would just show up unannounced and cajole them into making time for me.

[Hidden in reply to Kobojunkie]

Thanks KoboJunkie. I've been at this for a while. The appt is Monday morning at 10 so not going to storm into any offices. I have dealt with this for 10 years done all the writing and treatments you can imagine. Not really in a condition to talk about it and analyze why I feel this way. I overanalyze enough. Just need some relief and am exhausted. But thank you for the reply.