I have been in treatment for depression since I was 18. Thirty years later I am still going. It has been hell. I would not want my worst enemy to go through my struggle, however it has shown me the best of people and the worst of them. I could not continue moving forward without all of their challenges.
I recently had very aggressive cancer and was given possibly 6 months to live. Chemo, craniotomy, and many pitfalls were nothing compared to depression. When they told me my tumor was gone I began sobbing. They thought it was because I was happy. I told them I was crying because I didn't die from the cancer and would have to face a lifetime of treatment resistant depression. I was hoping the cancer would kill me and my death would be "acceptable".
It is so hard for others to understand the internal, invisible pain some of us go through day by day. It is so hard to explain depression. Cancer is safe to talk about and people have a general idea of how it works. Mental illness-no such luck.
I should have died numerous times. My parents were told I would be institutionalized for life. I overcame that and received my Master's Degree. Was it easy? No. I have no idea what others are going through but I want to give you a sliver of hope and wish you well.