Hi! I'm Squirrel Master... 34yr old guy from Wisconsin. I've been lurking for a few weeks on the boards. Reading others posts and finding myself relating a lot to the posts. Just a fair warning, I tend to ramble on a lot! I will try my best to keep it legible and avoid huge walls of text the best I can.
But once I start typing its very difficult to organize the flood of information my brain sends to my fingers into short sentences.
I don't know where to begin. My life is a mess, EVERYTHING overwhelms me. Something as simple as answering a phone call or going out in public immediately send me into high alert. My anxiety goes through the roof and I can't focus, get shakey, breathe shallow or sporadically. Ya know, all that great anxiety/panic attack symptoms. It's no way to live...
I'm stuck in a rut and need to get myself out of it. I don't have a typical job. I'm a landlord who inherited a building of industrial warehouse space that's falling apart and bills/taxes are piling up. This job puts a little bit of money in my pocket, but it's not enough to live off of.
I'm semi-diagnosed with depression/anxiety. Years ago I saw my general practitioner (for shoulder injury/pain) he had very little experience with mental health. He diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
and prescribed me Alprazolam
and Citalopram. Which seemed to help a little, but I quickly built a tolerance to Alprazolam and needed to take more and more to get any relief.I explained all this to my doctor, and his solution was to just keep taking it, take more if needed.... So instead of becoming a Xanax zombie, I quit cold turkey and went through crappy withdrawal for over a week. Needless to say I never went back to that doctor. Or any doctor for that matter... I have very little faith in doctors. I've had bad allergies and asthma my whole life & lost my sense of smell as a teenager because of nasal polyps (no sense of smell EXTREMELY contributes to my depression) Having no sense of smell is very dissociating, I feel like this is just the way things are always going to be for me. Feeling like I'm watching my life through 3rd person, not really experiencing it myself. (does that make sense?)
I've never been to a psychiatrist for a real diagnosis.
Currently I don't have insurance, or a doctor. I absolutely despise talking on the phone. The simple task of finding insurance, or a doctor is way too much for me. Just thinking about making the phone call makes me so anxious, my mind gets "foggy" or like "tv-static" and I can't even think a clear coherent thought or speak a full sentence.
THIS POST is the biggest step I've taken towards getting help. I don't know where to start. It's all so overwhelming. I need to see a doctor, but I NEED insurance to do that! I simply can't afford it myself.