I am suffering from anxiety disorder. I am taking Efexor. My story is quite long, but I will summarise it.
I had a traumatic childhood. My mom died when I was 6. I was very lonely after that. I lived with my grandfather with fear to lose him too.
My father abondoned me. Never came to see me.
I did not see my sister a lot either.
I grew up in a bad place with full of gangsters.
One day I had a fight with a group, and anxiety disorder became permanent for me that day.
My life is getting perfect. I graduated from very good schools, I am getting popular in my field. My financial status is well.
But I am afraid... Even when I hear a good news, anxiety comes and hugs me.
I am afraid of losing everything, I am afraid of death, I am afraid of losing my beloved ones.
I am afraid of everything.
Attacks do not happen all the time. But if it happens, it goes on and on for 2-3 days.
I want to continue to be successful in my job, but it makes me feel like it will hurt me at the end. There is no reason for that, but I am still afraid.
I am afraid of being afraid when I get old.
I think a lot. I live alone now. I am in Turkey and I spent a lot of money to recover. But the only thing that I could get is medicine.
I went to "talking change" therapies in London. But it takes too long to get appointment in England. I quitted.
I do not want to live like this, I want to be brave and strong.
I am not thinking of hurting myself. I am afraid of death, I am afraid of getting old and alone.
I cant sleep sometimes. Because I think a lot about work and future(no matter if I am afraid or not). Sometimes I get very angry at someone / something and cant sleep because of thinking about him / her.
I can't sleep when I get afraid too.
Normally I sleep a lot.
I get very busy sometimes. I like that. But it makes me feel very bad in some occassions. Sometimes I just want to turn my phone off and go to a silent place. But I can't. I am even too confused about the problem's itself.
I do not know what to do. Help me.
Note: Efexor kills my brain. It gives me sleep and I forget many things.