Help with living alone? (potential fear triggers)

[PastaDog]

I'm living totally by myself for the first time, pretty much ever. I've had stints when I was younger by myself but I've always had a roommate or my family (as a kid and then my own family later in life).

I've struggled as a bit of a hypochondriac, along with my ptsd and bi polar, it's been hard to get under control. My partner helped me feel safe, and confident if i was hurt they would either help or get me help. Now after a week of being alone, It's finally started to creep back in. What if I choke, or fall down the stairs, or just have a sudden medical emergency that doesn't allow me to call for help and no one is here. No one is checking on me, and (I don't know if it's true but my anxiety tells me it is) no one really cares right now if I'm ok. does anyone else deal with these fears or issues and have suggestions for what I can do to maybe help myself feel more safe and able to get help if i need it?

My biggest fear for the last 10 years has been just dying alone with no one to care about me...and I thought I had found someone who would always be here, but they're not anymore and it's becoming a very difficult thing to accept and work through.

[-Charlie]

Hi PastaDog

Have you ever considered one of those Life Alert necklaces. You push a button and someone will respond immediately. I don’t know the specifics on cost or if insurance covers it but it might be worth looking into as might make you feel safer being alone. Google life alert and you can check it out. xx

[PastaDog in reply to -Charlie]

I haven't thought about those since I was a kid and those commercials were always running. I will look into something like that, thanks!

[optimismrus]

Do you have a dog? My two small dogs help me feel needed and the unconditional love is awesome. I'm alone also, and I've had the same thoughts. 76, and I live away from my daughters. Medic alert is a good suggestion for me, too. And don't forget, you are grieving a relationship and adjusting to a new way of being. 🥰

[PastaDog in reply to optimismrus]

We did, but they took our dog with them, otherwise he would have probably helped immensely. He was not trained as an emotional support animal but somehow he always knew when i was upset and would come over and put his front paws on my chest. I miss him so very much.

[optimismrus in reply to PastaDog]

Why don't you go to the animal shelter and pick out a small dog? You deserve to love and be loved. 🥰

[GinkgoLeaf]

You are not alone with these feelings. I often feel a rise in anxiety when I’m home alone with my kids - what if something bad happens, what if I fall, etc. I’m still struggling with these feelings but a couple ideas. Anxious/depressed people make negative pathways in their mind - imagining the worst that could happen. The hard work for all of us is making the new positive pathway. What are good things that could happen while being home alone? Maybe self care, a new idea for a hobby, etc. One example from my life. I took my son out for a walk around the neighborhood last night and my anxiety started sparking. What if something bad happens and I can’t help him? While we were out on our walk, he led us on a new path up a big hill and we saw a beautiful sunset. This was an unexpected positive outcome, and it really moved me. I realize you’re dealing with a separation. I hope you can embrace the feelings you’re feeling and process them. But also know that positive things can come from the unknown, not all negative. Last thing I’ll say (since I’m anxious but also a bit of a planner) - get to know your neighbors. You never know what can happen and it’s always good to have a support network close by. And they may need your help too. Best of luck on the journey. This work is so hard so can be so rewarding.

[PastaDog in reply to GinkgoLeaf]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. Positive pathways are such a struggle for me, because those negatives and fears are so efficient at firing off and keeping me locked in for as long as possible. I will try and start taking note of the positives and journaling/saying them aloud to attempt to retrain my anxiety responses in moments of panic and fear.

The sunset sounds very nice, and it made me realize i can't recall the last time i went out and looked at a sunset. I need to make time for things like this again. I feel guilty doing these things alone when I couldn't do them when the ones I love were still here, but I will try to overcome this because if I can't care for myself I won't be able to really care for them.

[GinkgoLeaf in reply to PastaDog]

You got this. Another exercise that helps me - I Feel, I Think, I Know. For instance, when I feel anxious, I think I am a bad father, but I know my family loves me. The negative feelings are just feelings, they’re not facts. The positive pathways take work.

[PeaceNeed]

Hello P.,Ur post sounds almost exactly like something I might write. Volitility and isoltion.

I try reading sometimes drawing and painting. I wont say more, I have tendancy to drone on.

[PastaDog in reply to PeaceNeed]

I like to do art, and used to paint years ago. It's something I would like to put more time into, music as well. Music used to be so important in my life and I've all but given it up.

And no worries, I almost always end up droning on and deleting paragraphs or entire posts when I read through and think "how the heck did I end up here?" lol