Schizophrenia

[Starrlight]

There’s a movie I watched called Words On Bathroom Walls. I don’t know how accurate it portrays someone with the illness but it was interesting and sweet. I was thought to have had schizoeffective (schizophrenia with a mood disorder) but I believe it was psychosis from depression and mania. I could relate because like the guy in the movie, I also hide the things that are “shadowy” about me that I think will make others want to leave me and I also struggle to see things in a more normal way as I get quite paranoid, delusional sometimes even hallucinate but luckily that seldom happens these days. I just thought some of you may be interested in this subject as well and maybe even have had experiences to share.

[ZazenRiver345]

ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articl...

Very interesting post starlight👍😘. I'm interested in learning more about schizophrenia too. Here's what I've found recently online just for you 😍🙃

[ZazenRiver345 in reply to ZazenRiver345]

Results: Of the 100 patients of schizophrenia, 99% reported that they believed in God. About 60% of patients attended religious places either once a week or more and 56% of patients indulged in private religious activity at least once a day. Two-third of the participants had high intrinsic religiosity score.

[Starrlight in reply to ZazenRiver345]

I’ve never before heard of the high amount of religious people with schizophrenia... it has me asking more questions...thanks ZazenRiver for sharing

[ZazenRiver345 in reply to Starrlight]

You're welcome 🙏

[Kkimm]

Hi StarlightIt sounds a very interesting film, good to have raised the topic.

Kim

[Starrlight in reply to Kkimm]

Hey Kkimm yes thank you!

[c-mac]

In my early 20s I decided I was going to stay in my studio all day and write music, something I'm probably good at but never did. My family has huge, ugly, creative blocks -- something that fortunately programming allowed me to short circuit, I guess because it pays well and isn't frivously about my feelings. Anyway, that day, as I concentrated, I started hearing this black voice of tar and rot, murmuring to me. I knew it wasn't objectively real, but I also knew that to me it was definitely real. I held on to that as a hypomania induced hallucination all these years, but recently I've begun to rewrite that story. I think now it was just so much shame and baggage attached to being creative, to putting my soul into something that could be judged by others. I was definitely hypomanic that day, and realized it, though I couldn't get my therapist to see it. (It was Texas in the 90s; she thought I should join a church.) Maybe the voice was psychotic and also caused by my intense creative block. I had similar feelings when drawing at a college many years later, but it never rose to the level of a voice. But I would sit there for hours, drawing models, and bathed in a tar of disgust. Finally, it gave up and I haven't felt it since when drawing. Though I haven't tried to write music since then, even when I was in a band. I think that voice might still be waiting for me.

[Starrlight in reply to c-mac]

Wow. Thank you for trusting to share that. I’m glad you are rewriting the story and I hope you stand up to it if it does come up again.

[Hidden]

Hi Starrlight, mental illness often relies on subjective criteria. We can’t diagnose many mental health conditions with brain scans or blood tests. Our conclusions frequently stem from the behaviors we see before us. We can observe others and see what all Schizophrenic patients have in common. And without much saying, you saw these posts in our HU community about debating their faith, all the cruel and violent voices within themselves that lead to anguish. Hope you can be gentle on yourself and have a peaceful day ahead ❤️🌈🌞🙏

[Starrlight]

True and we know ourselves yet aside from ourselves we feel we have to put trust that entails imperfect diagnosis created to treat. I feel personally I’ve been many diagnosis and try not to place much emphasis on any unless it’s helpful to me at the time. Thanks. Have a beautiful one!!! ❤️