Hi guys... it's been awhile since I've been on, but lately all my problems are getting worse..like a lot worse. I'm currently a full time student, and anyone who's read my first post knows part of my background a little I guess. Anyways lately I feel like I'm in a really bad fog. It's hard to think, hard to focus, hard to keep up with my work. My best friend can ask me a question and I not remember what we talked about later that night. (None of this is usually this bad, which is part of why I'm so concerned lately.) I keep having flashbacks too kind of, more frequently now, only now they seem to get to me more than before. Maybe they're getting worse too, most of the time they aren't real memories anymore but fake ones, fake images or twisted ones revolving around "what if he died" or "what if it were me instead" or all kinds of things that are so much worse, combining my fears with reality. My "triggers" as they seem (still not sure what to call them yet) are still as unpredictable and unreliable as ever, as I never know what will set my mind off, and half the time things that should do or don't, it's like a coin toss of terror. Who knew you could have nightmares while awake? Lately I haven't been eating well either, I lost 11 pounds (a lot for a smaller person) an about a month and haven't been able to get it back since, and along with this problem I now feel nauseous after I eat anything too (not sure if this is just due to anxiety or because one day every time I tried to eat a trigger came up and it's screwed me up somehow (the triggers weren't related to food btw)). I remember one of my triggers was so bad one night, that combined with my fog and other worries i was up until around 3am just crying one night. Started putting a pieces of tape on my hands lately too because I'm tired of getting worse without progress, and I know it probably sounds stupid but I got tired of breaking down, I've been losing my battles it feels like and I needed something to "see" I guess that I'm still holding together, and tape seems to work for now. Not sure if constant oversleeping is another symptom I should worry about too. Lastly, I took a DSM-5 test on my own lately just to see if my suspicions about having PTSD were anywhere near true. Turns out I scored a 55, with the baseline diagnosis cutoff being 33. Now I'm unsure whether to show the test results to my therapist (a new thing for me, she's still in the getting to know me and asking questions phase) or if I should just not, and see what her honest opinion is about me first without them. If anyone knows any ways to help or cope with any of this stuff, I'd greatly appreciate it, even just to talk. I don't tend to open up much, but sometimes conversation can help I hear.. especially when people feel so scared or helpless or alone. Again, anything helps, thanks.
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